» Putting the Fun in Funeral

Every funeral from here has been downhill...
My Great Aunt's funeral was held in the tiny welsh village where she lived, in the middle of a freezing January and in a church halfway up the side of a near vertical hill. The climb nearly killed us so there was no way the pall bearers were going to make it with a coffin. Fortunately, the funeral parlour had clearly been through this before and had sent with the coffin a large stainless steel trolley to roll it up the hill.

To be fair to them, they were almost at the top before one of them slipped on an inevitable patch of ice and lost his grip on the trolley. The three other pall bearers promptly went to help their mate, leaving the coffin to roll backwards. This was at first gentle, but you would be amazed at the speed a coffin on a trolley can pick up on a steep gradient. It wasn't nearly as bad for us (who had never liked her that much anyway) as it was for the poor woman whose front window looked out onto this winding road and was presented with the sight of a coffin on wheels racing past, followed by four swearing men in full mourning dress.

We don't go back often these days. Pop, squirt and all that.
(Wed 17th May 2006, 17:26, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Blame the parents
My boyfriend went to school with a lad named Richard Cranium.

It's sad when they don't even have to try.
(Fri 19th May 2006, 11:15, More)