b3ta.com user Georgie Porgie
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» Missing body parts

Man's Best Friend
There was a guy who lived in my road, and he has, yes STILL HAS a black and white staffordshire bull terrier called 'Badger'. One day, he was messing with the dog, hitting it and winding it up a bit, so it jumped up, bit his fucking ear off, and ate it.

He kept the dog. And can no longer wear sunglasses.

Every time I see him in the pub I ask him if he wants a pint, but his reply is always the same.

"No thanks, mate...I've got one ear."

Get my coat? It's summer. I'm wearing a poncho.
(Fri 2nd Jun 2006, 16:06, More)

» Lies I told on my CV

I got in a lorry trouble...
I put on my CV that I had a full HGV license, but on my first day I reversed the truck into my boss' car.

I couldn't back it up, you see.

Boom, and indeed, boom again, just for good measure.
(Thu 13th Jul 2006, 14:20, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Mathew would have been so proud...
There was a girl in my uni who had was missing the middle and ring fingers of her right hand.

Her nickname, that remains with her to this very day?

(Fri 19th May 2006, 11:21, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

At least I was high ranking...
When I was growing up in the 80's, there was a prominent Libyan leader called colonel Gadaffi. I was unfortunate enough to have big black, bushy, curly hair.

The result?

Colonel Kidafro.
(Mon 22nd May 2006, 12:01, More)