» Accidentally Erotic

Passenger in my then boyfriends car
...and enduring the drive from Manchester to "darn Sarf". I have this tendency to fall asleep on long car journeys and vaguely remember having a naughty dream concerning me and Christina Ricci.

I woke up as my boyfriend pulled into the services, stretched and discovered that while I had been dreaming of indulging in fun times with Ms Ricci, the seam of my jeans had been pressing in exactly the right spot between my legs.

All I did was stretch and squeeze my legs together and *pop*; instant lady-orgasm. I had to bite my lip to stop me from moaning out loud.

I have tried to recreate that moment in the car many times but alas, no luck. Oh apart from the one time I was flicking the bean in the back of someone else's car while he and my boyfriend were oblivious in the front.

I likes driving, I do :)
(Wed 8th Feb 2006, 21:30, More)

» Accidentally Erotic

Oh where to start...
I worked in a library as a teenager and it was the best job ever. The smell of books had always made me feel wibbly anyway; then one of the teenage lads who worked there discovered I also had a penchant for big words. Not as in three foot high big, but words such as concupiscence.

*shudders* GOOD word. Anyhoo...

He used to take me to the research area and read books to me whilst stroking the back of my neck (another turn-on). I was practically drooling on the table. Mmmmm happy times.

Consequently I find it hard to go into a library without instant nipple stiffness and moistening of...um...a secret girl's place.

Hoorah for books. Goddamn I love reading.
(Fri 3rd Feb 2006, 20:38, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

Not as yet
but if things continue this way I am happy to pay anyone who offers to clean my curtains for me, if you get my drift...

Oh and my first husband claimed his Aunt was a lady of the night; her most famous client (*coughs* allegedly) was the late Benny Hill. Apparently Mr Hill used to pay her to gobble him off under his dining room table while he sat and ate his dinner.

Always paid cash and usually got it out of a carrier bag he had stored in the hall cupboard.

Actually, the first husband lost his cherry to a prostitute. He thought it was the best way to get some experience before getting himself a girlfriend. Then he would be able to wow them with the "tricks" he had picked up from said lady of ill repute.

My advice to him would be to ask for his money back. He was a crap shag.
(Fri 20th Jan 2006, 21:20, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

In all the Benny Hill excitement...
Forgot to mention that many years ago I went for a massage (yes, a "proper" one at a beauty salon) and the young lady performing said task got a little over-friendly. More than the necessary body parts were massaged.

So I guess I did kind of pay for it. And then again when she came round to mine about a week later. That bottle of wine wasn't cheap but by golly it was worth it.

*tiptoes backwards out of thread*
(Sat 21st Jan 2006, 8:01, More)

» Birthdays

All my birthdays
are fairly crap. I was due to be born on the auspicious day of Christmasness but managed to hold on until 3rd January. Obviously my mistake.

For the last 31 years I have been forced to be grateful for being given presents at Christmas, whilst being told "This is your Birthday present as well". That, and never having a Birthday cake. The theory was that there was no need to make another cake when we still had half a mountain of Crimbo cake to plough through.

Fucksocks.

There was the occasion when I put myself in hospital on my 19th Birthday and missed out on a theatre trip to London to see the mighty Philip Schofield in "Joseph"...I am not sure whether spending the night vomiting the lining from my stomach into a small cardboard dish was better, or worse...

First post! W/y/h and I would apologise for length...but I'm a girl. I'll apologise for width instead.
(Tue 13th Dec 2005, 20:54, More)