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» Fancy Dress

Dying to try!!!

A man decides to throw a fancy dress party, and the theme for the party would be emotion.
The evening comes around and he hears the doorbell go. Opening the door he finds one of his friends wearing green clothes, green skin and green hair.
"Great what are you?"
"I'm green with envy.
They both have a laugh and he's invited in. Minutes later the doorbell goes again, he opens it to find a woman wearing a pink bikini with a massive pink feather boa wrapped around herself.
"Fantastic what are you."
"My dear I am tickled pink!"
They laugh and she's invited in. Soon enough the party is in full swing and the doorbell goes again. The bloke opens the door to find two Jamaicans standing there, one naked with a pear on his knob and the other also naked with his prick dangling in a bowel of custard.
"What the fuck are you?"
"Well I have cum in dis pear and my friend is fuckin dis custard."
(Thu 12th Jan 2006, 21:04, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

My Wife/Me Blind
Many moons ago I managed to scratch the cornea on my eye - the strain on my other eye caused me to lose my vision in both eyes for about two weeks (I was blind in one eye for a month) - Although I was very stubborn, she helped me eat, stopped me walking into walls and even directed my aim for the toilet (although this was to stop me pissing on the floor/bath/sink!)
I kept insisting that she let me get on with it myself, but she kept on helping.

One of the reasons that I consider myself lucky to have married her
(Fri 3rd Oct 2008, 10:37, More)

» Dumb things you've done

Done today!
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 19:42, More)

» Pet Stories

Danny The Hamster
Danny...I quite normal name for a not-normal hamster my brother and i owned. Danny was bought at the same time as another hamster we had called Herbie...
Herbie died shortly after and only now do i wonder about this...
It wasn't long after that we realised that Danny was INSANE. Hamsters can be quite docile usually, but Danny acted as if he had the rage virus. In order for us to put him in his play ball we would have to have one divert his attention, while the other scooped him up.
Danny bit...
Danny jumped...
Danny beared his teeth...
....at to add to this Danny screamed..not like a girly scream more like some sort of Banshee, who was out for blood. He screamed at us, the cat (who had teh fear), the wind and the curtains.
Added to this that the mad beast lived to the age of seven (good going for a hamster), but he was almost completely bald, like one of those dodgy, bald cats.

Personally when he died i wasn't sure whether to bury him or cremate him to ensure he didn't come back!
Never seen anything like it before or since - anyone else?

*Length? - Damm right*
(Sat 9th Jun 2007, 20:36, More)

» Beautiful but Bonkers

True! - Not Me, but a mate!
Boy meets girl,
Girl is boys 3rd girlfriend & 1st shag!
Girl attacks boy with knife,
Girl puts pillow over boys head while sleeping,
Girl accelarates and threatens to drive into brick wall, veering away at the last minute!,
Boy goes to pub with mates for weekday drink, boy not allowed back into flat they own,
Whenever boy is out of an evening, boy is not allowed to go back to flat...,
They got married in June!

PS Boy has had no horizontal action for 18 months.

Typing this i wonder who is the nutter...,

Not much length, but my mate was hung like red rum.!
(Tue 21st Nov 2006, 16:54, More)
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