b3ta.com user blackfacedfightinggibbon
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i was born at an early age. then again most people are.

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Best answers to questions:

» Urban Legends

"No dear, of course you can't get pregnant your first time..."
(Sun 8th Jan 2006, 23:39, More)

» Panic Buying

as always the usual very true tripe that doesn't really answer the question
Last year, all 5 members of my family were bought presents from the local pound shop on Christmas Eve. The same day, I bought myself an Xbox. Fun.
(Sat 24th Dec 2005, 4:09, More)

» Awesome Sickies

a moving story..
Had to cover my fellow manager at the music venue I work at once because he had chronic constipation...

5 days on and he still hadn't forced one out (that's what happens if you eat gravy exclusively)

On the last night of my cover, I was supposed to move all the little tables and stools in front of the stage for the weekends big gig. I fucked that off though solely for the reason that I could pop in the next day on his opening up shift and seee if he 'needed any help moving his stools'...

(Wed 14th Jun 2006, 5:36, More)

» Accidentally Erotic

Language barriers...
I was working for a university college in Birmingham at about 16 or so (my mum was head of psychology and she'd blagged the dean to give me an office junior type role in her department.). Anyway, so, there I am in my nice little office when the not-so-great-at-english Cantonese psychology lecturer walked in, shut the door behind her and uttered these words...

"Now it's time for us to be naughty..."

I looked at her, ever so slightly scared, but oh so mightily aroused (she was hot, ok!) and, well... she might not have been so great at English, but she was damn good at picking up on body language...

"No, No you silly boy! We must fake these questionnairres..."

Her and my mum had a good old laugh about it... I had a good few wet* nights in the coming months, thinking of what could have been...

I quit my job. I was hideously embarassed. My mother was very disappointed.

*In the good way. If there can be a good way.
(Fri 3rd Feb 2006, 5:13, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

Not monetarily...
Well, i've 'paid the price' on numerous occasions due to promiscous stupidity.

The most memorable though is when, in one fell sweep (or shaft) i paid with my health, mental stability and my public image.

Anyway, so, her name, i kid you not, was Gooch. I slept with a girl named after the perineum. Lovely. She was quite a large lass too and, to be honest wasn't even a pretty girl either... I was so very drunk.

Anyway, so, I wake up the nesxt morning with a searing pain in the left hand side of my old chap. It turned out the night before i had neglected to remove her knickers before/during the act and had suffered a saw like action from the frilly edging, cutting into my penis about half a centimetre.

This resulted in a few weeks of no sex and a ribbing from my mates which continues to this day, two and a half years later.

That's how i paid for sex with mental and physical anguish, but lost my stupid promiscuity... Well, some of it...
(Fri 20th Jan 2006, 15:58, More)
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