» Accidentally Erotic

Uncle Pervy
I had a mate a few years back when I was at a crap college and spent much more time smoking the demon weed than attending lectures, his name was Uncle Pervy.

Uncle Pervy admitted to having spent his childhood thrashing his Soggy Man Cheroot to thoughts of Blake's Seven's Servalan.

www.bbc.co.uk/cult/classic/blakes7/servalan/index.shtml

Had another mate who got a hard on every time he got on a bus. We used to unexpectedly decide to jump off at random stops and watch him struggle to get off concealing his arousement... tee hee.
(Fri 3rd Feb 2006, 13:05, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Oh the shame
While awaiting the use of a toilet cubicle for the purpose of consuming a huge line of chang before the arrival onstage of the mighty Tool, I found myself one from the front as they began their aural onslaught and bundled inside said cubicle behind a sweet looking young man who looked about thirteen and terrified at the sweaty monster who appeared behind him. As he stuttered out 'please sir i'm not like that' or something, I frantically offered to cut him a line too if I could please just use his cubicle for my illicit purposes and get down to the gig. So, evil deed done, I disappeared into the mosh pit...

So far, so fine. However, on arriving home many hours later, I went to have another, and pulled an unfamiliar card from my wallet.

It was at that moment that I realised I'd unleashed a coked-up teen on the world, who had just realised he'd handed his cashcard over to some drug-crazed nutter he'd never seen before in his life.

The poor bastard probably spent the night trying to cancel his card while I happily enjoyed one of the best gigs of my life.

Never have I been so ashamed.

First post, whoooooo hoooooo!
(Tue 20th Dec 2005, 14:44, More)

» Fancy Dress

Ah, those lost fancy dress parties of youthful yore
I remember two from my youth - a friend who turned up at a fancy dress party wearing a tshirt with the tv test pattern painted on it and refused to do anything but buzz quietly all day. And another where the same dude came (with his brother) as a washing line, with a long piece if twine tied between them. Oh the oddity of youth. He is now an optometrist in Kabul. Honestly.
(Tue 17th Jan 2006, 12:41, More)

» Urban Legends

Cats don't drool
I don't know if this really counts, but my mate Wes once tried to convince sixy people at a house party that 'cats have cleaner mouths than dogs, because cats don't drool'. He kept it up for several hours.

However, no one believed him because A: he's pathologically mental, B: he (and the rest of us) was/were on acid, and C: it was his house the party was at and the house cat was legendary for drooling on people.

However, it is your duty as B3tans to spread this fallacy as gospel through lager drinkage and mind bullets.
(Mon 9th Jan 2006, 10:01, More)