» Stupid Dares

I haven't done anything like this for years, but
when I was a drunken undergraduate, my freinds and I used to undertake dares so often that we devised a series of hugely inadvisable games.

1)Tits. Wait till you're in an environment where there will be dire consequences to getting your norks out but no-one is really looking just now. Give as long a flash as you dare. Good times to play include when the lecturer is writing on the board, in the cinema etc. (obviously you need to sit at the back). We were always trying to out-do each other and normally got away with it. The only time I was caught was during the last but one world cup when I thought all the the apes shouting engerland in a dodgy pub in King's cross would have their eyes glued to the big screen. How wrong I was. I finished my pint at a normal rate before we had to beat a "dignified" retreat.

2)More tits. For a less dangerous situation, such as walking down a not too full street, we had a second version. Find a lone (and not too aggresive-looking) guy who is facing your direction but not really watching. Give a quick flash and watch the expression of "did I really see that". Act as if nothing happened. Marks awarded for reaction. The best time is with a group of people where one can see but is too far away from his mates to tell them to look befoe it's too late. Eavesdrop discretely on their not believing his story.

3)Swearing. Walk up to someone on the street. Someone innocent and shockable looking (but adult). Say excuse me or some such phrase in your most polite voice as if you are going to ask for directions or something. Swear in the most vile way possible. Walk off as if you did just ask for directions. Very childish this one but up to age about 18 it seemed funny.

4)Complete insanity. When out for a drink if we saw someone who seemed sufficiently dangerous, the 2 of us mad enough to play this game would point the guy out as a possible target. We'd then try and work out the most insulting thing we could possibly say (and we came up with some very good ones). If we came up with something really top class I was invariably dared to go and say it. I always did. If not so good, I would dare my (male) freind to kiss the guy. He gave in if he was drunk enough. The reason we never got beaten up doing this is that if you are shocking and unexpected enough, people can't believe what just happened and stand there like they've been tangoed while you walk calmy away.

Thankfully, by the time you graduate the desire to do this kind of thing fades.
(Thu 1st Nov 2007, 14:46, More)

» Desperate Times

there are builders in my office
drilling things. And they test the fire alarms on Friday mornings. And my keyboard really doesn't make a good pillow. But that extra pint was so tempting. Hence this morning I was super dedicated and came into work early. Nothing to do with it being cold, the middle of the night and my office being so much closer than home. Not at all. *collapses into heap and recommences snoring*
(Fri 16th Nov 2007, 9:43, More)

» Voyeurism

Was at a house party
(dressed as an S & M hooker complete with whip and handcuffs) held by 2 of my then best friends who I shall unimaginatively call X and Y. Being a student house party, copious amounts of alcohol and weed were consumed. At about 3, am invited upstairs by X, Y and Y's teenage brother for a cheeky spliff (the weed had run out as far as the rest of the party was concerned). Somehow this ends up in the 4 of us partaking in a fetish porno photoshoot (yes this did include the brother and sister). Everyone dressed in not much PVC, eating each others faces off, groping, whipping, being handcuffed etc. The photos remain.

I then passed out on the sofa with my flaps showing(these photos remain also). Apparently after that X, having tried it on with the whole party (self included), decided she wanted to continue from the photoshoot and go all the way with Y's teenage brother. Mercifully, he wasn't having any of it so she got her minge out in front of everyone and "pretended" (so she insists) to flik the bean. Meanwhile Y, who is somewhat vocal when engaged in certain activities, has disappeared upstairs with (a fat minger of) an old freind from school. Queue usual deafening howls.

Next morning, about half a dozen of us are having a breakfast spliff when Y's school freind walks in for a toke. Y's brother then utters the immortal line
"mate, have you been jizzing up my sister?"

It just got worse........
(Tue 16th Oct 2007, 15:11, More)

» Stupid Dares

Escallating dares.
I was in Bristol to have a last night out with a totally legendary freind of mine who was finishing her year abroad and returning to Toronto a day or so later.
I'd actually been feeling so ill I had to be carried to the taxi, between the taxi and the club, and drink by having my glass lifted up for me and having the straw put in my mouth. I wasn't one to miss a good night out under any circumstances back then. Anyway, after a lot of glasses of double vodka with alcopop mixer consumed in this manner (it was the best alcohol to currency ratio that night and I was an impoverished student), I felt perfectly fine and ready for mischief.
Sadly, being a Thursday, the cheap student night we had been enjoying shut and we had to move in search of more fun. We found the only place open and, being about the only women in there, found a steady supply of drinks flowing our way although we did nothing to try and contrive this.
When it shuts the pair of us get chatting to a couple of lads who worked there. One of them dares us to pull each other. Fine, says ****, but only if you match everything we do. So we put on a decent performance and wait for their turn. They indeed match it. And decide it's our turn again, but we will have to do better. This time, we repeat but for about 2-3 minutes and being as gropey and excessive as possible without it being classed as more than pulling. When we finish one of the guys looks a little white and says "but you two are blatantly lesbians!" (the other one just looked secretly pleased at the thought of what he might have to do (at least I think it was by that)). "we aren't", quoth **** "and you can't welch on the dare". To the credit, they matched us again.
One of them then suggests the next step. "OK" we said. "but it's your turn to go first". After some initial shock and resistance, I think they were actually going to agree. But then the manager came and threw us all out so I'll never know........

(after they'd gone we ended up continuing where we left off, with the night ending with **** shouting down park street that I should come to Toronto so we would fuck like rabbits. I never did though.)
(Fri 2nd Nov 2007, 12:02, More)

» Abusing freebies

Suprising where you can get
at a festival wearing a high-vis tabard. This year I was a green messenger at Reading. This entitles you to a free ticket for clearing up a bit after the festival. I got backstage when I felt like, jumped all queues, walked a ticketless freind in, used staff toilets, drank their tea etc. All because people saw I had some sort of Reading tabard but didn't know what that colour meant. How they could take me seriously when the only indication of what I might be supposed to do was a badge saying "official clitoris inspector" I'll never know.
When we did gt round to clearing up I scavanged so much free alcohol from the site that even I am less than a quarter of the way through it after 3 months (needless to say I had to get a lift off site thus not exactly staying in keeping with the whole green thing).
(Fri 9th Nov 2007, 15:45, More)