» Local Nutters

i work at waterstones in ipswich....
we get alot of nutters, at least 4-5 a day.
i think it must be some sort of extension of the way nutters tend to congrigate at librarys, so book store seems the next logical step for crazy people, anyway here are my favorite four.

miss.smith
female. hunched over. age unknown as she wears a big coat and head scarf all year round. carries backpack full of stones and basket full of scrap paper. odd mannerisms include, hiding in the shop untill closing time, then when discovered by staff she begins to scream wildly, although it does not appear to be in anger.
likes to reserve books on:
-poisonous plants
-bread making
-prostitution

-captain zero
fat. male. smelly. greasy comb over hair. wierd black leather jacket. sandles with no socks. manky feet. pervert. enjoys following women of all ages around shop for hours on end. once reported to have climbed underneith a pregnant woman whilst she was trying to browse. BANNED.
reading interests:
-none

-crusty crunden
male. mid to late 50s. balled. big aviators glasses. tweed jacket with loads of badges all over it. harmless, yet annoying. enjoys reserving books on all subjects, however never buys anything. has name because his last name is crunden (which he reserves the books under) and also appears to have a serious case of skin diease, often leaving flakes from his hands on anything he touches.

- dogman
tall. male. late twenties. wears a big blue coat. seats alot. listens to holly valance music at full volume on a cd player. believes he is going to marry her and tells everyone this, previous obseesions include cilla black and katherine (a girl who i work with). pants like a dog and doen not appear to be able to read or write.
likes to ask for books on:
-making bodies from cotton wool (?!)
-getting better bodies
-how to stop people from sending him letters (?!)

there you go.
(Fri 17th Sep 2004, 0:21, More)

» Shoddy Presents


last year i was over for christmas and from him to me there was a big box, the sort of size which could contain a small tv, or a hi-fi or dvd player. i exitedly ripped the paper off (i was not aware of his devilish tricks at this point). i was very pleased to see a playsation 2 box! :D it was a little worn so i thought it was probably just second hand, but never the less it was a playstaion 2 out of the blue!
so i left it for the time being and politly enjoyed the rest of xmas morning with her family. after lunch my girlfriends brother and i were eager to fire up the playstation and play what ever game was inside the box.
although as i opened the box and discovered nothing more than a brick carefully wrapped in lots of newspaper. kevin (my girlfriend's brother) was not as supprised or confused as me, needless to say we were both disappointed. next year i think i'll send her dad a brick, by economy airmail and deliver it straight to his head.
(Thu 23rd Sep 2004, 18:07, More)

» Irrational Fears

panpipes
i can't explain this deepseated fear. i have had it as long as i can remmeber. the sound of panpipes makes me very edgey, i will go long way through town sometimes if i hear a distant busker in the centre of ipswich corn hill. as the driving theory test centre is on the edge of the busking hot sopt, i failed my theory test twice. both times some poncho wearing raggamuffin with his infernal tootleing put me off i tell you!
(Thu 29th Jan 2004, 15:06, More)