b3ta.com user Jack Rarebit
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» Debt pron

Debt vs Physics
Is it called an Electron card because it incurs charges, yet carries no weight?
(Wed 29th Nov 2006, 19:09, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

glue ear
I don't know why my Mike always brings marijuhana to our parties. None of us smoke it and he hardly ever gets to smoke it either. He usually ends up taking it home with him. Except last new year - returning home hammered from the pub he decided that he was taking our puppy to bed with him because it would get cold downstairs, the big soppy git. Anyway, he nods off into a drunken stupor, and wakes to find that the dog has slept well in his company. not only that but he has breakfasted on the contents of his stash tin. Mike awoke to find our puppy with an enormous wood on, latched onto his head and fucking his ear just as hard as he can.

Puppy calmed down a bit when he'd finished and was very mongy for a day or so. Cruelty? ask Mike's ear.
(Tue 11th Dec 2007, 23:58, More)

» Beautiful but Bonkers

Our lady had a political streak. Despite the (then) honourable member for Hartlepool, Peter Mandelson, being as gay as a left-hand thread, she thought that she could convert him to appreciate teh puss. Not that she'd actually try, it was just a fantasy of sorts, which I'd tease her with quite regularly. Except that teasing her wasn't enough... I found that I had an uncanny knack for impersonating his slightly wierd voice, and without any warning, talked dirty in Mandelsonese while we were engaged in naughties one fine evening. She speared herself on my knob, gripped me like an enormous spider and didn't stop until my poor podger felt a freshly butchered pork-rib. It wasn't right for days. i do wonder who was the scariest wierdo, her for having odd labour-party fantasies or me for egging her on. Since it's me telling the story, though, it has to be her fault.

No apologies for length, it was specified by the previous administration, ha ha.
(Fri 17th Nov 2006, 21:45, More)

» Evil Pranks

kelly jettle
Fill your studymate's kettlw with water, introduce a block of jelly, set to boil and leave for home.

Come the morning, james very angry, kettle solid with jelly. meh
(Mon 17th Dec 2007, 21:05, More)

» Child Labour

Ting, ting, ting
My parents bought a heap of a house many years ago and amongst the detritus left by the extensive ork needed to make it habitable was a huge pile (perhaps twelve tons) of used bricks. they could be used again to repair or extend the house, since they would match their former neighbours better than new ones or reclaimed bricks from elsewhere. Thus, it fell to me to reclaim them. This is done by chipping the old mortar off with a brick-hammer. if the brick is busted, it can be chopped into a halfbrick and used where it fits.

i say again, Twelve Tons.

Now this may sound like forced labour but when you get into a task as repetitive as that, you can just let your hands do the job and leave your mind free to do other things. So That's what i did. My mind went a-wandering while my hands got better and better at chipping bricks. After a pallet load, i knew exactly where to strike them so that the mortar just fell away like pot-roast meat off a bone. My mind grew agile, and my hands grew strong. Another twenty tons of bricks, i could've achieved Enlightenment ... that would've been woo indeed.
(Mon 20th Feb 2006, 20:23, More)
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