b3ta.com user mattressking
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» Panic Buying

Bad Move
Got really panicky on new years eve. Had to buy the gf a gag gift...a dildo. turned out it was a strap-on i'd picked up in haste. it was in a box, it wasnt my fault! ouch
(Thu 5th Jan 2006, 5:37, More)

» Urban Legends

Once convinced a friend
that Tom Cruise played himself in "The Last Samurai". He has Japanese roots and wanted to follow up on them. Needless to say she hadn't seen the movie and came looking for me as soon as she did. Apparently she had told lots of people, who all thought she was a looper.
(Fri 6th Jan 2006, 0:47, More)

» Useless advice

More Careers Tripe
A friend of mine and I spent most of our careers class making the rudest hand gestures we could across the classroom. I was once caught trying to tell him with some wild actions that I would double fist the teacher.

Anyway, the results of my test come back and number 2 is "Professional Golfer".

I don't fucking well play golf.
(Tue 24th Oct 2006, 3:51, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Sydney Trains
On my first day in sydney i noticed a sign which said

"At night, travel near the guards compartment, marked with a blue light"

had been changed to read

"At night, rave near the guards compartment, naked with a blue light"
(Thu 10th May 2007, 6:05, More)

» Picky Eaters

My sister
won't eat mashed potatoe. she says it's because it feels like someones already chewed it. what a freak!

she also detests ketchup even though she's never tasted it. once we were cleaning the kitchen after dinner. i threw the closed ketchup bottle to her as she was nearer it's home. she screamed and leapt out of the way letting it smash on the floor and ruin the wallpaper. jesus.
(Wed 7th Mar 2007, 8:05, More)
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