b3ta.com user Pavlov'sDog
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I don't do a great deal. Maybe I'll make some animations sometime. Or some pictures. When I actually get round to doing anything. I'm incredibly unmotivated, and have spent 22 years failing to achieve anything significant at all. Except forming the Raptafarian religion.


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» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

I didn't wait till I hit teens to rebel
I just ran away aged three.

M. McCann
(Fri 20th Jul 2007, 1:31, More)

» Why I was late

Once upon a time, while I was at a boarding school in Somerset, I took it upon myself to go for a walk during a large break between two lessons. A friend thought this was a valid waste of time, and accompanied me.

We wandered around what was, essentially, farmland for an hour or so, then started wandering back towards the school. Upon the way we chanced upon a cow in the middle of the road. Cue us deciding to try to herd it back into the open gate it had clearly wandered from.

Cows aren't the most easy-to-command animals.

We spent half an hour, then found the farmer who owned it walking along a road, who thanked us for helping, and we went on our way.

Arrived back at school an hour late. And got to give the excuse, 'I was herding cows' as to why. Wasn't believed until the farmer phoned to thank the school.

Yeah, crappy story, but it's a little different. Just a little.

Length? Few miles.
(Sun 1st Jul 2007, 3:56, More)

» Failed Projects

So many things
All in my childhood. I had many grand plans. None of them ever came to fruition, because I have a very short attention span. I had ideas, and I wanted the end result, but I couldn't be bothered with the effort part of it. There's one in particular I'm not able to forget, however.

A treehouse. Me and my friend, who lived just down the road from me, decided to build a treehouse. It would be awesome. We would have a fridge full of cola. Crisps piled to the ceiling. A playstation, and television. Entire nights spent playing doom and eating snacks. The fact that we'd require electricity didn't even cross my mind, nor did we get anywhere near this stage, so I guess that's a moot point. What actually happened was two small boys dragging a single plank of wood through the tiny copse in front of my house, failing to climb a tree, or even push the plank up onto a branch. We were, however, confronted by my next-door neighbour, who to us children was the cliche evil old woman figure. She told us to stop dumping wood and littering. I replied with a line which, 15 years later, I still get mocked for by my brother. The most polite of all rebellions; 'Shut up. ...please.'
(Tue 8th Dec 2009, 3:01, More)

» Vomit Pt2

The one time I ever remember taking a day off school for sickness
I was about 5, and my mum dropped me off at school. I hung my coat up, all that, and wandered into school assembly, slightly late so everyone was already standing in the assembly room. (This was also the classroom, and the dining room. It was a tiny school).

I hadn't been feeling well, and as I got to the very centre of the crowd, felt my stomach start to kick. I tried to hold it, but to no avail. I threw up what appeared to my small, child-like eyes to be a lake of vomit, completely coating a large patch of floor, where several students had been standing but managed to jump out the way.

There was a silence, and then one of the teachers said I should probably go home. She went to get my coat.

Upon returning, she asked why I hadn't told anyone I'd already been sick in the cloakroom. Which I had.
(Wed 13th Jan 2010, 17:55, More)

» Pathological Liars

Once I had the job of looking after some sheep in a small village.
All in all, not the most strenuous job, although a bit tedious. Day in, day out, just watching some sheep eat grass.

After a while, I began to tire of this, and thought it'd be a bloody good joke to pretend there was a serious emergency occurring. I took a deep breath, and shouted 'Wolf! Wolf!' at the top of my voice.

All the villagers came running with big sticks, and upon their arrival I told them it had retreated, and that the sheep were safe again.

'Brilliant,' thought I, 'that was a thrilling experience!'

A few days later, I tried the same trick, with the same result.

I tried again the next day, but couldn't keep from laughing at the rather ridiculous situation I had created, and the villagers were none too pleased about this.

And woe is me, for the next week, what should I espy across the field but an actual, live wolf, heading with evil intent towards me and my sheepish charges. I screamed 'WOLF!' as loud as I could, but no-one seemed to hear. I continued screaming and shouting, but the villagers had all either gone deaf simultaneously, or chosen to ignore me as punishment for my earlier japes.

The wolf killed all the sheep, who remarkably sat around and watched as they were dispatched one by one, and then turned his attention to me, eating me like a particularly delectable cake.

Later, the villagers found my mostly-devoured corpse surrounded by a large quantity of bloody fleeces. I'll bet they were sorry after that. Some people just can't take a joke.

It was longer, but the wolf bit the end off.
(Fri 30th Nov 2007, 22:18, More)
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