» Encounters with Royalty

Prince William naked
I saw Prince William naked once. My school swam against his school. He had a very small penis. But then again he was only 13 at the time and it could be down to shrinkage.

Oh I probably should add that is was not a naked swimming match, it was in the changing rooms afterwards (obviously).

My penis is large and powerful.
(Wed 9th Aug 2006, 0:07, More)

» Going Too Far

7th July bombs
So I went to a halloween party last year, a couple months after the suicide bombs on the London underground. One guy turned up dressed as a bomb - basically he cut holes in a suitcase for his arms, legs and head and put it on. On the front he strapped a timer. This was fairly tasteless, but not that bad.

What makes it perhaps going a little to far is the fact that he had travelled to the party on the underground dressed in full costume.
(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 23:30, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

Burnt my balls
Had a bad case of bronchitis. Doctor told me to do a steam inhalation. Thus I placed a bowl of boiling water with euclayptus extract on my desk and proceeded to put a towel over the bowl and place my head underneath. Unfortunately as I stood up having finish said inhalation, somehow the towel got caught under the bowl sending it flying into my lap. My meat and two veg were soaked in boiling water. I screamed in agony and eventually managed to call 999. Unfortunately I was told I lived to close to the hospital to be picked up for a non life threatening injury! I managed to limp off to hospital where I spent 4 hours in casualty, naked with a bag of ice on my balls.

Also I once had a "back, sack and crack," well more like a "sack and crack" since my back ain't hairy. Why you ask? Why not. Wanted to see what all the fuss was about when women complain about the pain of waxing. Now I know. The wax managed to take a layer of skin off. My balls looked like a couple of angry plums for about the next week. To make it worse I then went in the sea later the next day. Jesus, still brings tears to my eyes.

Oh and I also once slept with a girl who had slipped whilst trying to climb a fence and thus had a kind of second gash next to her bearded clam. Thought I was just drunk when I went down on her. Wasn't until the morning when I went down on her again, I realised. After that I turned gay.
(Thu 13th Jul 2006, 22:18, More)

» Heckles

Baywatch
So I was running on the beach (I live in California) and I admit I must have looked kind of gay, in just a pair of speedos. Couple of Mexican dudes sitting on the beach with their girlfriends. One stands up and shouts "Hey Baywatch, way to go!"

Yep I felt like a real dick
(Sat 8th Apr 2006, 18:37, More)

» Ripped Off

Strip joint in Soho
10 pounds for a pint of warm lager whilst a woman old enough to be my mother took off her clothes.
(Thu 15th Feb 2007, 20:35, More)