b3ta.com user Wize
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» Food sabotage

Mine sweepers
You know the kind, you leave your pint untended while going for a piss or to chat up a lass, and some sod has made off with it.

There was a regular at one nightclub, who we all lost many a pint to. My mate nudges me one night to point him out and the pint he was carrying, saying "that's a pint of my piss"
(Sat 20th Sep 2008, 22:56, More)

» My most gullible moment

Try this one yourself.
I've had so many suckers on this one.
The reason yawns are contagious is to do with air pressure.
When you are in a plane and its coming in to land your ears hurt due to the pressure difference between your inner ear and the cabin and yawning equalises out the pressure difference.

Yawning is an unconscious response to a difference to pressure in the room and your inner ear. You yawn and it balances out the two pressures.

But once you have balanced yours out, you have effected the pressure in the room slightly, which throws everyone else out of balance and they have to yawn to compensate.
I've lost count on the number of victims this one has claimed.
(Thu 21st Aug 2008, 23:20, More)

» Flirting

Not actually flirting...
I know a chap who goes round all the girls asking them if they would like a shag. Its his opening line.
Mostly he gets told to fuck off or the odd slap. But he does eventually find someone who says yes.

His philosophy is why waste time flirting all night with someone when you don't know if you will get your end away when the lights come back up.
(Sat 20th Feb 2010, 20:08, More)

» Sex Toys

Dangerous Doug
My mate Doug was explaining what a 'Danger Wank' was, telling everyone of a friend of a friend who gets his thrills. The chap would, when in mid wank, would shout on his mum or granny while they are down stairs and the rule was you have to finish off and tidy up your mess before they come into the room.

Then I pointed out, most 'friend of a friend' stories were really about the person telling the story. he just smiled and didn't offer any reply. Since then he has had the nickname Dangerous Doug.
(Thu 17th May 2012, 18:52, More)

» Ouch!

Cure for snoring
It was a work colleague who had this one.

He tried everything to stop snoring. Nose clips, golf ball on back of pjs, the works. Next step was the nose opp. Not his choice, but being married, it wasn't up to him.

Simple opp, they apply anaesthetic, then drill out your nasal passage to make it wider. They packed it full of gauze, left him to recover.
When he woke, he felt ok. A little stuffed in the nasal area, minor tenderness, but fine.

Then they removed the gauze.

The second most painful thing in his life was when they pulled it out. The blood had dried making it one with the inside of his tender nose.

The most painful thing in his life was shortly after he realised that was only one nostril. Hurts more when you know whats coming.

As for the snoring, he is as loud as ever.
(Tue 3rd Aug 2010, 1:16, More)
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