» Lies I told on my CV

Going to the gym...
I once interviewed a girl who listed one of her hobbies as going to the gym.

This in itself may not have been a lie, but it did imply that she actually actually did something when she went to the gym - apart from simply eating and watching!

Imagine my horror when the 22 stone beast nearly broke the chair in the interview room when she sat down opposite me.

She got the job! She was my replacement and I wanted my boss to have somebody hot (and no doubt constantly sweaty) to look at during his working day!
(Fri 7th Jul 2006, 12:51, More)

» School Sports Day

Cheats NEVER beat…
Well not in this case anyway! Grade 5 (10 years old) cross country.

Spent a good hour or so running around a soggy field three times. Most of this time running alongside Simon Kelly in the battle for 5th spot (hey there was at least 45 in it!)

We were to exit the field and spend 5 minutes running on footpaths, back to the school gates and then cross the finish line 50 metres after the school gates.

It was a pretty close contest and both of us were waiting to make a final charge before the school gate that granted access for only one person at a time.

Anyway, the little bastard only decided on the last bend to cheat and cut across a front garden and gain a few valuable metres. What the little bastard didn’t realise was that the lawn was wet and he managed to slip and stumble, meaning that we met at the school gate at exactly the same moment. A nice hip and shoulder on my part left Simon in a heap against the gate and me happily crossing the line in 5th place.

Not a word was ever uttered between us about this incident.

Roll forward to the Grade 6 (11 years old) cross country.

In a near repeat of the previous year, Simon and I ran around chasing the 5th spot. He must have been training hard, as after two and a half laps he powered ahead of me. I was beaten, bugger. Imagine my surprise when 200 metres ahead of me, Simon sets off for a 4th lap of the field. Oh how I laughed as I started sprinting out of the field, onto the footpath and across the line in 5th place. I laughed even harder when Simon came home well down the field after completing a half lap out, before realising his error!
(Tue 4th Apr 2006, 16:33, More)

» Fancy Dress

Dad's birthday
When I was a young lad, my dad decided to have a fancy dress party / meal at home for his 40th birthday. The theme was quite simply, "nautical".

Ten of mum and dad's closest friends arrive at our house around 7:30pm for a seafood banquet, the dining table fully set, dressed quite magnificently as pirates, mermaids, popeye, sailors etc. Quite a lot of effort went into the costumes.

At 8:00pm, after a drink or two, 3 taxis pull up outside the door. People start getting slightly suspicious. Unbeknown to them, the taxis were there to take the fancy dressed partygoers to the most expensive seafood restaurant in town!

They got plenty of attention from other diners, but a great night was had by all.
(Tue 17th Jan 2006, 13:01, More)