» What's the most horrific thing you've seen?

at college....
... the building I was in for Software Engineering was also the building which had the vocational courses and, of course, the special needs students...

One afternoon I was about to eat my lunch when i overheard a LOUD conversation between a bunch of windowlickers...

w/l #1: SHUT UP! VIRGIN!
w/l #2: WHO YOU TALKING TO? YOUR A VIRGIN TOO!
w/l #1: NAH I'M NOT! I SHAGGED TRISHA (*points to girl I can only assume is Trisha*) LAST NIGHT! DIDNT I?
Trisha: Yeah... we did it...
w/l #2 - 5: RUBBISH!
w/l #1: RIGHT! I'LL PROVE IT!

windowlicker #1 then proceeded to pull his pants down, pull Trisha's pants down and started humping her over a canteen table...

it took two security guards to get him 'out' and his cock was waving about the place as he desperately attempted to get back inside to finish up!
(Wed 27th Jun 2007, 11:19, More)

» Awesome Sickies

well... this really is bad karma.... but...
Once while working at the Odeon in newcastle, I got a stapler and half extracted one of the staples... Resulting in the stapler having two 'teeth' about a centimetre apart...

I then proceeded to swing the stapler at my forearm... Hard enough to petetrate the skin but not hard enough to actually staple myself... I did this for about 30 mins and left it for a couple of hours for the blood to clot...

Then i went to me superviser in a right panic and told him that i thought i had meningitis... i rolled a glass over my forearm, and as the blood had already clotted under my skin, it didn't fade...

I managed to blag 2 weeks out of work for that :)
(Mon 12th Jun 2006, 17:13, More)

» Cougars and Sugar Daddies

I wanked into a pair of boxer shorts....
then left them behind my bed for 20 years and then wanked into them again.
(Thu 4th Dec 2008, 16:25, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

My dad is in his 60s, and is a very intelligent and hands-on sort of bloke.
He has spent his entire life working his fingers to the bone in places like Yemen and Iraq. He's referred to, in our family, as Mr. Fix-It due to him being able to fix almost any electrical equipment (unless the problem lies on a printed circuit board).

Anyway, right, he's always on MSN and asking me about how to do stuff on his computer. For example:

DAD:How do I do that?
ME:Click the start button...
DAD:The what?
ME:The button with start written on it...

I mean, WHAT AN IGNORANT FUCKWIT! It was only then that I realised that my dad is an old-school bloke who'd never even used a PC until a couple of years ago. I then went on to realise that the metaphors used in modern computing such as the Desktop, files, folders, and the WIMP heuristic have been around since the early nineties and are now engrained in the psyche of the modern world.

I also realised that he has vista - and the vista start button doesn't say START on it!

It's fucking hilarious because something I take for granted is totally out his level of comprehension... what a fucking spastic!

I'm just glad that he's a better person than me and won't remember this when I ask him to fix my car. LOL!
(Fri 19th Mar 2010, 11:08, More)

» Ginger

I know someone who's ginger, right...
no, REALLY! I know, MENTAL, right!

So anyway, right, me and ginger were once walking around Newcastle city centre buying hair dye cos, y'know, lets face it; it's better to be any colour than ginger or something, right?! YEAH!

So we were walking through Newcastle city centre - did I mention that already?! Yeah, so, this other ginger comes up to my mate who's ginger too and they start, like, talking and that as you do. So yeah, like, these two red-headed people are totally talking and stuff and I'm just standing there and waiting for them to finish in Newcastle city centre where we are walking around looking for hair dye.

So, anyway, like this other person with the red hair who is talking to my mate with the red hair, he like walks away and I'm stood there in Newcastle city centre with this red-headed mate of mine who's just like, totally waving at this other dude with red-hair.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we start walking again, and my mate turns to me - which is weird cos y'know, we're like totally walking along so he's like totally side stepping down the street as we're talking - MENTAL I know... So this friend with the ginger hair turns to me and says that we shouldn't really be seen in public any more... I was like well shocked and that... so I says "Why?" and my mate with the red hair says "There are many reason, but the main one is that you're carrying an aborted foetus"

LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH! LENGTH!
(Tue 2nd Mar 2010, 9:32, More)