» Never Meet Your Heroes

Shaun Ryder
He was using a cash point (ATM) in Oxford Rd., Manc. Two students were behind him in the queue, debating whether it was him or not. He finishes, turns around, and walks past the queue. "Alright Shaun!" one of the students pipes up, holding his hand out for a shake.

Ryder stands still for a few seconds and then replies "Hello, MISTER PENIS!" before walking off. Several other sordid stories which do nothing to enhance his reputation.

Mick Hucknall shagging some bird in a toilet cubicle with the door open. Arse like a Wham Bar. Several other sordid stories which do nothing to enhance his reputation.

I threw Mark. E. Smith from the fall out of a jazz club once. I heard he was expecting Brix to split up with Nige and come back up from London on the trainm for about 30 nights on the run. He'd be waiting at the station every night. Pissed up, like.

He tried to get in without paying and was obviously worse for wear. I told him it was a private party. Worth it to hear him say "Do-you-know-who-I-am?" in his best The-Fall-Lyrics voice. I felt sorry for him.

Harry Dean Stanton came in the same club one night. Massive ears, nice bloke. Signed the wall.

Jools Holland was a bit miffed that no-one asked for his autograph.

Ian "Dad's Army" Lavender donated a big stone testacle that he'd smashed off a german statue to the ornaments behind the bar.

I made Naomi Campbell laugh when I said "Alright Naomi" when our escalators passed in Paris Charles de Gaulle.

The wife told Quentin Tarrantino to be quiet when he and his braying sycophant acolytes were disturbing her meal in Sonny's in Nottingham. It worked.

Paul Ince slow dancing with his Mrs. to the car stereo (VW Corrado 16v) in deserted Manc city centre street about 4AM. We nodded in good humor.

This is sounding like "Spotted" in heat...
(Thu 25th May 2006, 23:55, More)