b3ta.com user Mr. Johnson
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» Child Labour

not my story, but someone elses mother.
when she was a kid, she went singing from door to door at three-kings day (a holiday wich is i believe only celebrated in flanders, where we eat delicious pie!) anyway, on this holiday 3 kids dress up as the three kings (one is painted black, one wears a sheet over his head and one is carrying a staff with additional propeller) and sing from house to house for money, kinda like christmas. so this poor little child went singing by some old, friendly looking guys house and when he opened the door, a delicious waffel-smelling gust was blown in their direction, so they did their very best to sing as best as they could, to hopefully get some of those tasty waffels. so when they where done singing, the man told the three poor kids they were to recieve something better then money. so he went back inside and after a while, he returned with something hot rolled in newspapers. they happily accepted the warm package of happiness, and went back on their trail of singing and joy. then they sought a nice spot to sit down and eat their tasty waffels. after a cold and exhausting january day of singing and walking around, they sat down and opened their newspaper-package. inside was a warm, freshly squeezed human turd.

...and when they got home they didn't get any pie!

okay, this isn't really on topic i realise now...
(Sun 19th Feb 2006, 15:01, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

david lynch, you bastard! (contains spoilers)
about a year or three ago, some local newspaper did some kind of campaign (i'm not sure about the word) where you had to collect seals and then trade them for some dvd's. this time, you could save up for some of david lynch's movies. me, not being very familiar with his work, decided to give it a go. i started with "lost highway" since i pictured it would be some kind of thriller with a mudered wife or something like that. So i waited till i had the house all for myself, and popped in the dvd. It did indeed started off with a murdered wife, but i was already beginning to feel slightly scared because of the movie's grudgy atmosphere, when all of a sudden the lights on the street blanked out. on top of that, a massive thunderstorm started, the kind without rain. so near the end of the film, there's this scene in a house where some bloke has a freak accident and gets his head pierced by a glass table. on itself not very scary, but at the moment the camera switched to reveal the man's accident, a VERY loud thunderclap bursts from the sky. It was the first time ever since my childhood i made a sound when something scared the shit out of me. i spend the most of the entire night watching sales-tv because i was too scared to go up my stairs.

and also this; when i was a little boy, my babysitter used to tell us ghost stories before bedtime, leaving me trembling with fear in my bed, unable to sleep for the rest of the evening. the morning after, i felt something pulling my sheets away very gently, and i knew i had to react quickly, otherwise the monster which was standing next of my bed would get me. So i turned around and lunged my arm forward toward the monster. and hit my mother square in the face. i didn't get any allowance for at least 2 weeks.
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 14:25, More)

» Inappropriate crushes

i used to have a crush on my art teacher.
once, she was wearing white pants and you could see her black underwear underneat. so i figured it was a good idea to mention it.
it wasn't...
(Thu 28th Sep 2006, 12:13, More)

» Conned

this one time,
i called my girlfriend's aunt and said i was from the australian bureau of investigations, and told her *Mr. Johnson's real name* was wanted because of his involvement in sheep-related crimes in Australia. she fell for it, and called my missus in panic a bit afterwards. and as it turns out, she is usually the one who tricks people in that sort of stuff. +1 me.

i know it's not conning, but meh.
(Thu 18th Oct 2007, 14:10, More)

» Voyeurism

to cut a long story short, i saw two middle aged hippies "rooting" (this story situates in australia mind) and i didn't even realize it. i was talking to the bloke, but since he stopped "moving" i didn't realize there was a woman underneat. or it could've been that tantric sex stuff. they where hippies after all. it scarred me for all eternity. that is all.
(Sat 13th Oct 2007, 9:29, More)
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