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» Spoilt Brats

But I want the bunny...
A few years back, I was eating at a quiet little local restaurant in Paris. An american man and his family entered, to the obvious disgust of the owner. The daughter (about 10 years old) saw a rabbit in a cage near the entrance and started pleading with her parents, in the whiniest voice you've ever heard.

"Can I have the bunny wabbit? Daddy, I want the bunny - he's cute! Please? Oh daddy, get me the bunny wabbit, he looks so sad in that cage."

She scowled at the restauranteur. Her father insisted that they couldn't take a rabbit back home and the girl got in a terrible huff - tears, stamping feet, etc. When the owner came to take their order, she interrupted him:

"You're mean! Why do you keep the poor bunny in a cage?"

He turned around and looked at the rabbit, turned back to the little girl, pointed to one of the main courses on the menu, and smiled...

Moments later, and without being served, the family left the restaurant, literally having to prise the screaming daughter's fingers from the bars of the cage as the wabbit hopped happily around.

It turns out that particular rabbit was actually a family pet, but after seeing the kid's attitude the owner couldn't resist having some fun...
(Tue 14th Oct 2008, 17:29, More)

» School Projects

University is a lot like school...
"What've you done for the project then, Misc?"
"Yeah - the one about opposites. We've got to present it today."

And so, with about five minutes before the tutor was due to arrive, I went hunting for some objects that I could present to illustrate the words "precarious" and "safe". You'd think a Product Design degree course would come up with more interesting projects than that, wouldn't you? So did I. Anyway, I rifled through the off-cuts bin in the workshop and made my way back to the presentation room. The first unlucky victim was already presenting his pieces - some horrendously complex metal sculptures, based around mathematical formulae that he'd spent all week meticulously bending into shape. I can't remember which opposites this was supposed to relate to. The tutor was critical to say the least. This worried me.

And so, came the time of my presentation. I stood up, balanced a cuboid of wood on the edge of the desk, looked the tutor in the eye and said "Precarious!". I picked it up again and set it in the middle of the desk... "Safe."

The tutor looked dismayed. What was I trying to pull here exactly? And so, I unleashed the biggest pile of last minute bullshit I'd ever thought up:

"The purpose of this piece is to demonstrate that the same object can illustrate both opposites. This simple block of wood for example can be either precarious or safe, depending on its context."

A wry grin appeared on the tutor's face.

"I have to admire your gall..." he uttered, before eventually awarding me the win for "thinking laterally".
(Thu 13th Aug 2009, 14:30, More)

» Best and worst TV ads

Say the magic word - Mazuma, Mazuma, Mazuma!
The premise of this ad is that washed-up has-been Paul Daniels (accompanied as ever by the not-so-lovely Debbie McGee) can "magic" your old mobile phone into cash! This process is more commonly known as buying and selling.

"I'm going to the supermarket to magic some of my money into food."

(Thu 22nd Apr 2010, 10:00, More)