» Childhood Ambitions

i wanted to be
usefull. instead im a student....














wait i can still get medical tests done on me, and i keep seats warm really well.
(Thu 29th Mar 2007, 22:38, More)

» Personal Hygiene

sneaky bastard...
having had to deal with grotty fuckers (and i do raise my hand to being offensive sometimes, like long hot train journeys with retardedly tight shoes which make your feet reeek) you get to know some subtle tricks to dealing with said situation, as most grotty fuckers have a sense of self esteem.

obviously you heartless cunts care nothing for these people as they havent been integrated into society, so heres a few helpfull hints in a stage process.

stage 1)

subtlety. now take a can of antiperspirant in with you, wait till tehy are talking to you an say, "fuck me i smell like a dead badger", remove can of said "smell nice" and use it, an then say, do you want some. usefull for getting them used to spray on cans of shower in a can.

stage 2)
make a convosation about cleanliness. SUBTLY is the fucking key. dont go making them feel like shit, just talk about it kindly without mentioning specifics.

stage 3)
if the retard OBVIOUSLY isnt fucking cooperating with your efforts, take them outsiede and fucking hose them down. ive had to do this once. and needless to say they got the fucking message, or throw a bucket of hot soapy water over them and use brooms to scrub them. the more of you do this, the easier it is as you can beat him with said brooms as well.

on another note i did live with a guy last year, we nick named him "dirty martin"

he was dirty (he washed his clothes rarely, and didnt take care of himself). he even claimed to be gods gift to women. admittadly he didnt look as bad as a trod in shit, however the smell he emitted did put them off.

that is all.
(Fri 23rd Mar 2007, 12:38, More)

» School Trips

lwooooooo
mexican spinning hats.

the most grotesque ride in the history of drayton manor. fucking hell.

about 15/16 years old, with my mates, completly on a rampage, sitting in these mexican hat things, the restraints come down, i realise im going to break my comma key, and i realise that ive just started the same section of sentence again, i realise you can bite fucking massive chunks out of the headrests and spit them at your mates.


then realise the headmaster is in your "hat" and gets one to the face.


nearly a tabloid headline there


PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS
(Wed 13th Dec 2006, 23:28, More)

» Sacked

pubs..
when i were a bit younger i used to work behind a bar collecting glasses and the like, me being quite tall, i decided what would suit my growing hair, was a nice 4 inch spiked bright red haircut.

i worked my arse off all summer, showed everyone up.

got fired for being "the wrong sort of chap for the job" so i got drunk the evening they were going to let me go, and i was sick all over the bar.

needless to say i didnt pay for a drink and the manageress i managed (arf play on my words there) to shag the next week when i met her in a club with my mates. yarharharhar
(Thu 23rd Feb 2006, 22:21, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

oh dear....
recently being the only techie living in my halls i usually get all the shit favours (no sexual, yet my email is.... ;))

and most of them is cleaning porn ridden machines of their trojans and virus's. so fast forward to the interesting bit

my friend kitty brings around her laptop. and on this is this spyblaster piece of nasty shite which has taken over ie. fucknobsocks i know for a fact she has been looking at gay porn. so i place a £10 bet on this.

so as she is using xp, i fire up her cache. lo and behold.

bum troublers annonymous. the dirty bitch
(Sat 11th Feb 2006, 2:32, More)