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Profile for Eilidh:
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» Heckles

Your mother!
The apparantly latest and greatest retort available in my school and on street corners to an insult is "Yer maw!" or something to that effect.
I witnessed an exchange between two local chavs on opposite sides of a street.
Chav 1: *throws apple at Chav 2*
Chav 2: *is hit by apple* "What the... a fooking apple?!"
Chav 1: "So's yer maw!"
Me (mit puzzled look on face): "Your mother is an apple?!"

Not so much a heckle as an observation on crap ones. No apologies made.
(Sat 8th Apr 2006, 18:22, More)

» Heckles

Ruining Star Wars
I have a habit of saying what I'm thinking at the time. Cue the opening night of Star Wars Episode III at the local cinema. Me and my friends occupied the entire back row. The Emperor walks on screen, his hands limp camp-style. A supposed moment of tension, cinema is silent.

"Check his gay hands, and you're telling me it's just coincidence Darth Vader's outfit is PVC? Hhhm. Yer."

Fellow Star Wars geek next to me drops his popcorn. I have apparantly ruined the film for him, as he sat through the next hour of the film unable to look at Darth Vader in the same way again. Everyone else found it funny though.
(Sun 9th Apr 2006, 12:16, More)

» School Trips

Ticking Time-Bomb Wheelie Bin
Back in 2005, a group of people from our school, including myself, won part of a speaking competition, the prize being to present our talk on climate change to the wives of the G8 leaders. On the 7th July.
This, if you are not aware, was the day of the rather nasty bombings in London. We found out about this on the bus up to the place where we would be doing the presentation.

Our presentation's props included a wheelie bin, as we were talking about the new recycling scheme in our area. The other school's presentation props inculded a clock, their message being to stop "the ticking time-bomb" of global warming.
For storage purposes, all the props were bunged together in the bin.

Cue armed policemen, guarding the place where we had come to do our presentation, looking rather puzzled at our ticking wheelie bin, on a rather innapropriate day.

A rather interesting school outing.
(Fri 8th Dec 2006, 22:12, More)

» Teenage Parties

"Don't touch our drink!"
Still a teenager, my parents are the most 'liberal' in comparison to those of my mates, and thus I am the elected party host. That and the fact that I am not trusted in other people's houses, after being chased out one at knifepoint for putting fairy liquid in someones kettle and filling their kitchen full of bubbles.

Parents say "drink whatever you and your friends have, but touch any of OUR alcohol and you're dead." 3 People have arrived for the party so far. We proceed to hide the parent's alcohol where the rest of the partygoers won't find it. Someone cleverly puts the absinthe in the bathroom cupboard. Cue my little sister, age 10, taking a rather large swig of it, mistaking it for mouthwash, and nearly passing out.
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 14:42, More)

» School fights

No fight at all.
Fights at our school usually are rather boring - person one shouts "Mon then", pushes person two, person two says "Yer maw", pushes person one, repeat ad nauseum, this then maybe digresses into what looks from afar like "hugging a fat person" - not really punching the other, but flailing their arms around them.

(One great use of military precision tactics I must add here - one particular fight between a rather large "hard man" in my year, and three others - the larger two of the three fighting the "hard man" pick up the littlest on their shoulders, who proceeds to headbutt him. Stylish for a bunch with less than 12 brain cells between them.)

However as being quite a small school, half of the school population tend to crowd around the fight, no matter how boring it actually is, and it proves midly amusing to see 300 odd pupils run en masse around the school following the "fight".

So, for a bit of entertainment, my friend decided to yell "FIIIGHT!", and run in a certain direction - knowing that half the school would follow. Cue him taking them on a round trip of the grounds, around the school at least twice before they realised there was no fight at all. Baa.
(Sat 11th Mar 2006, 22:32, More)
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