b3ta.com user grubbymitts
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Injecting a bit of culture to the UK's new "Ruling" class
Humphrey Bogart...with his kind of ho...in a powerful adaptation of Ernest Hemingway's most daring man-ho story, innit!
Edit: My First FP!!!

(Sun 29th May 2005, 13:53, More)

Best answers to questions:

» "You're doing it wrong"

Years ago I worked in a pottery factory and I met a delightful bloke called John. Every day John and I would bump into each other and I'd say, "Hi, John how's things?" and he'd reply, "Not bad Simon," or words to that effect. Quite often we'd have lunch together in the canteen. If we'd been gay, we'd have probably ended up shagging. It was that kind of man/bloke thing. Anyhow eight years went by and me and John saw each other every day, had lunch, never quite had sex until the day the axe man cometh and made us all redundant. The factory closed down and John and I parted company. "See you, John," says I. "See you, Sime," says John. "Good luck, John" says I. "Good luck, Sime," says John.

A couple of years later I'm talking to my sister and John pops up into conversation. My sister had worked for the same factory as me and John and knew us both...so I thought.

"You know, John, slightly balding, got a big nose and big teeth. Looked a bit like Freddie Mercury on an off day?"
"You mean, Richard?" sayeth the sibling.
"No, John." After all, had I not been his bestest buddy, his man mate, his "almost if only"?
"His name's Richard, Sime," my sister assured me. "We'd always wondered why you insisted on calling him John all those years."

A couple of months ago I saw "John" again. "Hello, Richard," I said. "Hi, Sime," came his reply, with not a blink. "Doing all right?"
(Sat 17th Jul 2010, 8:06, More)

» Job Interviews

I had just been made redundant by Royal Doulton, when they decided to ship all the production overseas to Indonesia, so I was on the lookout for a new job. I picked up an application form for Asda and began to read through it.

Now, me and Tony DeNunzio, the CEO of Asda, have had a few run ins in our time with the suspect quality of some of their items I have bought. Me being a complete twunt at the time (still am I guess) decided to correct the spelling mistakes and awful grammar on the application form...and then put down Tony as a reference for the job.

Needless to say...no interview. And he doesn't return my calls nowadays either.
(Sun 23rd Jan 2005, 21:00, More)

» Secret Santa

I always end up with the lynx promotional pack of the year
sniffs armpits - must smell or something. I wouldn't mind, but the current Mrs Grubbymitts is allergic to Lynx so I can't use it.
(Sat 23rd Dec 2006, 5:52, More)