» I met a weirdo on the interweb

the dentist...
I went through a stage of living back home after being at uni...most of my mates had moved away, so I was bored and lonely (not that its an excuse)and decided to do a bit of internet dating. Got messaged by this guy, 30, dentist, own place etc etc and it turned out he lived just up the road from me. after seeing a couple of pics which looked ok, I agreed to his offer of a drink at our local. Turned up and had a lovely night.

Next week, he texts me asking if I want to do the same thing again, I said yes. ended up getting quite pissed. I was sitting on the sofa next to him and he started talking about this 3some he'd had a while ago. Uh oh, i start thinking...here's his internet weirdiness coming out. Unfortuantely it had only just begun.

So there i am sitting next to him: being very drunkardly we were chatting about sommat else and I slapped him on the leg next to me. Felt some kind of ridge of fabric there but thought nothing of it. At the end of the night he asks if I want a cuppa at his b4 hometime. I said ok then. (YOU FOOL RACHEL, YOU DRUNKEN FOOL) We walk back to his flat just over the road. He's limping slightly, I just think its a footie injury. We get into his house and being the nosey person I am I have a look around. As I go into the bathroom I notice there's a three legged stool in the shower. wow, I think to myself, that's a bit weird. My pissed brain slowly clicked away, as my even more pissed mouth opened and i started to say "why have you got aaaaaaa...." Suddenly it clicked.
He had a false leg.

Yes. he was a one legged dentist.

Needless to say I drank my cup of tea and asked for my lift home PDQ. The clincher was when he drove me back in an automatic car. As we stopped down the road from my house (I'm not that stupid to let him know which house it was!) he tried to snog my face off. I mumbled "NO! I'm a LAAAAAADY!", grappled with the door, and stumbled out into the night. Obviously poor old hop-along couldn't exactly run after me.

after a week of me ignoring his texts the dentist gave up. About 2 months later I got an email from him asking if I'd worked out that he only had one leg. I didn't reply.
MWAH HA HA HA
One day I WILL make a short film about this.
(Sat 18th Mar 2006, 15:28, More)