» Not Losing Your Virginity

Never mention Rohypnol around a drunk girl
Flashback: This summer. I work as a whitewater guide, presumably a job that is second only to millionare and fireman in its ability to get a girl wet. Damn bit of good it's done me. A group of girls, known as the Shimmy Girls after an incident on the river, come up every summer to our company, and in past years, they have enjoyed getting shitfaced as well as getting the rocks off of every guide that asks. Cue my coworkers pulling me along, attempting to get me to drink (yes i'm sober, whoop-de-do), attempting to at least get me to swish Allen's coffee brandy (saying that chicks dig drunk dudes, something that I am now convinced is true), and convincing me that there is no way I can leave without getting off.

We get to their cabin, and a fellow guide throws a can of PBR in my hand, so I don't look like too much of an idiot. I was wearing my only clean shirt, my "Math is Power" shirt, so I figured at least attempting to pose couldn't hurt. We go in, drinking ensues, and the girls inevitably figured out my soberness, not helping my chances any. Someone mentions that someone could have spiked their drink, I drop the word Rohypnol, and after every girl gives me a wierd look realize that there is no way in hell I am getting laid.

I felt like an idiot at the time, but at least I got some wanking material that night, as well as a good amount of free food (hell I didn't get any, and I didn't drink, I figured I was entitled to take as much food as I could carry.) Also, the most any of the other guides got was a handjob, so it wasn't like I was cheated. The part I will most remember, however, is the free porno. I had forgotten the bet I had made beforehand with another guide that he would buy me 50 bucks worth of porn if I couldn't manage to get laid that night. I got a bag o' porn the next week that kept me very happy for the rest of the summer. Win-Win situation!

*still a virgin, but not spotty*
(Sat 28th Oct 2006, 5:51, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Not the worst, but worth mention
My nickname since sophomore year has been Seman. Oddly enough it did not arise because of any perversion, but only because if you take the first letter of my last name (M) and put it in the middle of my first name (Sean, if you couldn't figger it out). It wouldn't have been so bad, but the teachers picked it up. (The students didn't find out about my strong affinity for pornography until junior year, though) Now whenever I get on fellow students' nerves in public, they just say, Shut up Seman, and out goes any chance of not coming off as a perv to the ladies.
(Fri 19th May 2006, 1:56, More)