» Why should you be fired from your job?

Not me, honest gov
A while back, in an office not too dissimilar to the one I work in…
One of the guys in the office (and his wife from a different floor) had been trying for a baby for ages and ages, nothing doing, so they tried Artificial insemination, again, nothing doing. So finally they decided to adopt a child. Once the deed was done, a card came round the office for people to sign and some kind soul wrote in it "Give me my kid back you bastard".
(Wed 15th Aug 2007, 14:33, More)

» Heckles

Snap!
A loong time ago in a life far away

I was in my first year at Cardiff Uni and one of the freshers week bands was Snap!. They were somewhat late coming on and when they finally stormed the stage to the strains of their only hit, the debris started to fly. Just as the lead singer sang the first line, she got hit in the head by a missile.

"Rhythm is a dancerrrghhh"
(Mon 10th Apr 2006, 14:21, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

The one from Casualty
Being from Bristol as I am and being a lazy, hate to go to work type that I am, I always used to sit in the coffee shop outside my work until 8.59.59 before running over the road and starting work. One mornign I was admiring, yes, that's the word, not oggling, pictures of Claire Goose in FHM or somesuch. Looking up as the door opened straight at her. Then at the open magazine pages of her in her trollies, then back at her.

Give her credit though, she laughed and signed the pictures. (Which I then laminated)
(Wed 31st May 2006, 0:33, More)

» Why I was late

Swans
I used to work in a call centre for BT as the monkey who did the stats. Not proud of it, but hey. Anyhoo, as part of this job I had to collate people's reasons for being late. Funniest was a woman who had to wait for her tights to dry in the radiator before coming into work 2 hours late.
Oddest was a woman who was struck by a low flying swan as she crossed a bridge in the centre of town.

Oh and width, girth, length, etc...
(Wed 4th Jul 2007, 10:13, More)