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» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

No sharting, luckily
Monday night: curry binge. Tuesday early-lunch: falafels.

Tuesday afternoon and evening: launching copious air-biscuits on the London Underground and in the Science Museum.

So if you were peering at bits of space hardware at one of London's prestigious museums, and were suddenly enveloped by a cloud of noxious, choking arse-gases, then you may have also glimpsed a lanky nerd reaching escape velocity away from this stinky epicentre - while desperately trying not to piss himself laughing.

My conscience is clean. AS WERE MY UNDERPANTS!
(Thu 27th Mar 2008, 15:35, More)

» Expensive Mistakes

Bought new computer processor fan
Switched on computer for a few seconds without clamping new fan and heat-sink down properly.

Instant toasted AMD Athlon. Dead, with a nice scorch mark on the warranty label underneath as a bonus.

A hundred quid, GONE. Just like that.

Okay, not as bad as the eleventy billion pound losses some have described, but THIS WAS MY OWN MONEY. :-(
(Sun 28th Oct 2007, 19:07, More)

» Cheap Tat

Rubbish £99 computer
A friend posted a link to a highly dubious-sounding special offer from a well-known computer manufacturer. A £99 computer, reduced from £400-odd. Only had to pay VAT.

Well, I ordered one (free delivery!), it arrived within a week with no problems at all, and I unpacked it.

Dual-core, 1.8GHz E2160 processor, a gigabyte of ECC memory, two SATA hard disks, gigabit ethernet, a fantastically well-built tower case, a huge processor heat-sink that is a thing of beauty (low-speed fans FTW) - it's really quiet, is now running Debian and is now a handy dandy home server.

The catch?

Erm... not sure. I think I was supposed to add some dramatically overpriced extras to my order, like an operating system or whatever. I didn't. Never mind.

Cheers D***!
(Sun 6th Jan 2008, 19:11, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Vandalism, or a message from a higher authority?
There is a roundabout on the outskirts of the fine city named Derby. Like many cities, it has a featureless assembly of concrete bridge, car-wash, road-signs, car sales outlets, multi-storey gym, traffic-lights and tarmac. Unlike other cities, it has the proud municipality of Derby and its floral planters to liven up this conurbation.

Thus, constructed amongst the blandness, is a brave message: "DERBY IN BLOOM".

At least, that is what it was supposed to say. Unidentified parties, or perhaps nature itself, conspired to change the slogan, to the infinitely more incisive "DERBY IN GLOOM".

It required replanting. A culprit was never found.

Google found me some photographic evidence!
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 21:46, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Scratched on the inside of a lift door, Manchester University physics department...

We never did find out who Jiggy Pig was - and since the lifts in question were replaced a few years ago, 'cause they were showing disturbing levels of sentience and free will, this is perhaps the only chance to immortalise this peculiarly cryptic message...
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 19:33, More)
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