b3ta.com user hudster
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» What's the most horrific thing you've seen?

Two guys were attempting to rob the newsagents next door to my Papa's shop.

They duly kicked the door in and ran into the back store in an attempt to steal as much stuff as they could.

They were greeted by the sight of a dead body, lying in a coffin surrounded by flowers.

Cue screaming and panic, one faints and the other legs it.

The Stupid cunts had broken into the wrong shop, my Papas funeral parlour, one of them was found by the police lying on the floor next to the corpse.

My papa used to piss himself laughing when ever he told that story.
(Fri 22nd Jun 2007, 13:03, More)

» Heckles

Jerry Sadowitz
Played in front of a Canadian crowd, at the Montreaux comedy festival, opeing with the best ever line of "Hello Moose fuckers".

Cue a drunk and angry Canadian getting on stage and Punching Mr Sadowitz in the face. end of act good night.
(Mon 10th Apr 2006, 17:25, More)

» Sacked

Saked for my bosses jealousy
I wasn't actually sacked, I was "let go".

My boss had been after an absolute stunner of a secretary for months, loads of innuendo, and chat up lines, but she wasn't having any of it.

I thought that me and the secretary were drinking mates, nothing more nothing less, until that is she got very drunk on an office night out. She sat across from me, leaned forward and whispered in my ear that she had no knickers on, sat back and un-crossed her legs. MY GOD she was stunning, totally shaven with an all over tan. She then proceeded to ask me back to the office.

What was I to do, take advantage of a drunk woman? Too fucking right!

We went back to the office and I proceeded to fuck her brains out on the reception desk, this wasn't what she had in mind, she removed all her clothes and walked into the bosses office, laid herself across his desk and asked me to fuck her. I did just that after about 10 minutes she had came and i was almost cumming and as I pulled out to cum over her, in walked the boss too see the object of his affection screaming in pleasure as my cum landed on her tits and his desk.

He went purple and I was told to clear my desk by the end of next week.

Still it was worth it, Me and the secretary are still together, she still works there and I've now fucked her on almost every desk there.

no appologies for length etc etc.
(Tue 28th Feb 2006, 10:26, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

On A Durex machine in a pub.

My Dad says these don't work.
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 18:25, More)

» Other people's diaries

the letter
I found a letter down the back of a sofa my mother was throwing out.

I had a quick glance to see if it was to be kept, in it was her then soldier boyfriend. telling her in graphic detail what he was going to do to her when he was back on leave.

I'm still in therapy now, and can't look at a banana without shuddering.

lenght? She likes it fruity apparently.
(Thu 1st Feb 2007, 15:48, More)
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