» Sacked

Not bitter but better off!
I used to work (for a very short time i.e. 8 weeks!) selling insurance from home. You got paid a basic salary of 12K a year and then made heaps more (allegedly!) on the very generous commission from insurance the "Public was falling over themselves to buy"

What the lying twunts failed to tell us gullible greed driven monkeys at the interview was that you had 2 months to make a minimum commission rate and failure to do so meant the previous month was added to the next creating some exponential figure unobtainable unless you worked 50 hours a day! Oh and you would face dismissal after a months notice of failure to perform!

Having managed to sell fuckall after 8 weeks of mainly lying in bed wanking till midday I called a halt to this career mangling shambles and got a job in a factory.

I told my team leader and area manager I quit and never looked back however.... they failed to tell HO and after a month I received a letter from HO informing me of my shite performance and giving me a months notice of impending dismissal, I had also received 3 months pay at this time!

Time dragged on and I received a further 2 months pay before being sacked! I later found out from one of the girls I met on the course that so many people quit the area manager was scared of losing his job as the turnover in personnel was so high so he never told HO, cheers mate.

Never did return the money I was overpaid!

Oink!
(Wed 1st Mar 2006, 20:08, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

Uni days again...
Seems University was the place to be a right bastard..

In my second year six of us shared a house on campus, first twunt Billy Nomates got up everybodies fucking nose so I took great pleasure in washing my anus and willy with his bar of soap he kindly left in the shower!

Then there was food thief Alan, stuff that lasted me a month in the first year consumed within a week!

Fresh delivery of cheap supermarket brands deftly doctored with laxative worked a treat, he moved out after 3 weeks of shitting himself inside out!

Oink!
(Sat 28th Apr 2007, 20:24, More)

» My Deep Secret

Shit
Sorry to the bloke at Uni we shared a house with for putting a small lump of shit in the curry you left in the fridge all fucking week.

I still think your a cunt!
(Thu 7th May 2015, 19:21, More)

» Unemployed

Unemployed? Easy Life
Downside: aside from the general feeling of unworth and having no cash for a healthy diet of pork scratchings and beer, its realising just how many lazy, workshy, useless sponging wankers are out there living off the state, example:

After X weeks on the dole you are expected to attend an appointment and present evidence of your efforts in finding employment, me being organised I have a folder containing a spreadsheet showing company or agency work applied for, a copy of the letter and any replies and evidence of interviews and suchlike. Easy, its also padded out with some bullshit to make it look good as the fuckwits at the Job Centre (sic) never question the data!

Sounds excessive but I remember waiting inline with the rest of the stinking dross to sign on and witnessing some evil power crazed old hag administer the most embarrasing dressing down to a smartly dressed middle aged fellow and then telling him his job seekers allowance would be suspended for two weeks, he was almost in tears.

OK, pan forward a few years and I'm back in the fold of unemployment. I have my first appointment for showing my efforts at gainful employment at 0920 hours Monday morning. I arrive early and set myself down, opposite me outside the interrogation room, is some alcohol drenched tramp stinking of BO carrying a plastic bag with his breakfast, 8 litres of White Lightening, yum!

He's called in at 0905 and I can here the whole conversation. Basically he's pissed and can show no evidence of finding work and I sit there giggling as she gives him a dressing down and he slurs his way through the whole episode.

As soon as she says your "allowance is suspended" he goes apeshit and attempts to murder her, a buzzer rings and two big burly fellows appear and restrain him till the fuzz arrive and arrest the twat.

My turn! Mr Pig? Please take a seat. She looks fucking evil and she's had a great start to her day!

I present my folder of lies and deceit, she slowly sifts through the pages then picks up the phone, shit I thought I'm rumbled. Turns out there is money in the pot for a course at the local University and I'm one of the lucky ones to get it.

Upside: I now have a Degree in Engineering, earn good money, feast daily on pork scratchings and beer and easily got another job when I was made redundant a few years back. So while a daily drenching in White Lightening can relieve you of the burden of a miserable life it has to end somewhere, the fellow at the Job Centre? He was a well known waster, I last saw him 2 years ago lying in the gutter covered in puke begging for money.
(Sat 4th Apr 2009, 9:47, More)

» Picky Eaters

Eat shit and die!
Me? Eat anything being a pig!

Twat housemate at Uni would leave plates of cooked food in the fridge/room for weeks till it grew a furry coat so....

We found a small deposit next to the WC and mixed it in with one of his weekly curries left in the fridge, saw him scoff the lot too!

Every time I have a curry now I sometimes wince when I'm chewing a raisin, or is it....?

Oink!
(Fri 2nd Mar 2007, 0:35, More)