» Spoooky Coincidence

Co-habiting singing superstars of a by-gone era namesakes
As an undergraduate I was good friends with a bloke called Tom Jones. In the first year he lived in a hall of residence and who should have the room opposite him but...

Barry White.

Not so much a coincidence really, more the accommodation services having a bit of a laugh.

Which is strange really, because whenever I have had to deal with them they've been a bunch of humourless cunts.
(Mon 12th Feb 2007, 16:55, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

Nail sabotage.

My family and I had just been out to Larnaca in Cyprus for a couple of weeks to visit our vast number of relatives. A superb time was had by all and splendid weather was enjoyed for the entire duration.

So it gets to the return flight. Nothing particularly unusual about that you may think, but we must have been about half way back to Heathrow when the woman in front of us decides that she will paint her nails. Due to the obviously rather limited ventilation opportunities of being encapsulated in a metal tube many miles above the ground, the aroma of her cuticle lacquer quickly became somewhat overpowering.

Anyway, after she had finished one hand she sort of raised it up and hung it over the back of the top of her seat to let it dry, resting it not that far from my fathers already offended olfactory centre.

Well, this was too good an opportunity to miss in the eyes of Asbo Senior. Mildly annoyed by her selfish appendage decorating, slightly bored from the flight and possibly light headed from the toxic fumes emanating from her pungent bottle, he decides to exact his revenge. A serviette remained from the quite exquisite in-flight meal and he proceeded to calmly rip it up into tiny little pieces, each piece being perhaps the size of a page ripped from a studious bee’s notebook. Now with the precision of a surgeon performing open heart surgery upon a sickly humming bird and with a sly grin he began placing them upon her drying but still sticky nails.

Once completed the anticipation was almost too much to take. She seemed to leave her hand up in that same position for what felt like weeks. This was a good thing though. The varnish must by now have been fully dried, with the ripped pieces of serviette now trapped in their translucent prison upon this woman’s hand.





Finally the hand was removed. Nothing. Not a murmur. She either didn’t notice, which I find hard to believe or was just very determined not to give us the satisfaction of a reaction of any sort.

Bit of an anti-climax I’m afraid.
(Sat 31st May 2008, 21:43, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Erm, slightly late. Humble apologies. Thought it was still worth posting.
Damn. Just remembered literally seconds after the damn thing closed, this story about a girl who sleep walked to the top of a 130 ft crane.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4654579.stm

It doesn't mention whether she pissed anywhere. Apologies if it was posted earlier, and for the fact that it's now in the wrong QOTW. Blimey, you can till I'm crap at this!
(Fri 31st Aug 2007, 12:41, More)

» Spoooky Coincidence

Spoooky Silver Wedding Anniversaries
My grandparents silver wedding anniversary fell on the day that JFK got shot. My parents silver wedding anniversary was September 11th 2001.

So if I am ever married for just under 25 years, I am going to be quite intrigued as to what will happen on my silver wedding anniversary. Something bad in America looking at the track record....
(Fri 9th Feb 2007, 16:09, More)

» Ripped Off

British Gas swines
Regarding the utter cowboys that are British Gas...

I had to phone them up this week for the third time to remind them that I don't actually have an account with them so could they kindly stop billing me. Well I say me, my surname was spelt incorrectly but the address was right.

The first bill they sent me was for about 20 squids, phoned 'em up and was told "Terribly sorry sir, the account has now been cancelled".

Second time was very similar.

This week a bill for £420 for 3 months gas! In a pretty small flat which I often only stay in during the week and due to being a lazy bastard rarely use the gas cooker. The people below seem to always have their heating on which keeps my place pretty warm. So how on earth they came to this figure I have no idea.

Makes you wonder how many people just pay up without questioning it.

To conclude, British Gas = bunch of thieving bastard gypo retards.
(Fri 16th Feb 2007, 12:26, More)