b3ta.com user Super Jet Shoes
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I want their Super Jet Shoes.

I am old and almost responsible and really ought to know better than lurking around here, but it makes me happy and lol.

Recent front page messages:

Must have bindun?

(Thu 2nd Jul 2015, 23:22, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Winning

I was working in a little town in north China in the 90s
...and was in a nightclub. Fantastic place, as big as an aeroplane hangar, packed with happy, friendly people and with ice-cold beer at about 20p a litre. Heaven.

When you paid to go in, you were given a ticket with a number on it. Near the end of the night, a little mini-skirted Chinese girl went on stage with a board, and held up a number. Everyone in the club started looking at their entrance tickets, so I did too, and Bugger Me! it was my number!

I put my hand up, the girl beckoned me on the stage. Since I was probably the only western face in the city (and certainly the only lanky Brit in the club), this caused a bit of interest.

The girl presented me with my prize - a Yamaha VCD player (popular there at that time), asked me a question in Chinese and stuck the microphone under my nose. I only knew two Chinese phrases so I tried the first: "Ni hao" (Hello).

It got a massive Chinese lol. She said something else, so I tried my second phrase: "Ta shi wo de yu san" (That is my umbrella).


I went home then and everyone pointed at me saying "umbrella" in Chinese and laughing.
(Sat 30th Apr 2011, 5:43, More)

» Cringe!

My German Boss
My company has an office in Frankfurt and I had been doing some work at a German bank. I had had to stay there two consecutive (and unplanned) weekends which I hadn't been happy about. When I had to do the same for a third weekend, my boss offered to fly my wife and eight year-old son over and said we could stay at his gaff.

This was a nice gesture, I thought. My boss was a charming and courteous German bloke, with a beautiful house with a pool, sauna etc, so it would be a very pleasant weekend. He said we could borrow his Mercedes and do some touring. It would be a bit of a treat.

Come Friday afternoon, and my boss's wife (two metres of Claudia Schiffer lookalike) went to collect my wife from the airport while I finished my work at the bank. After finishing, I went to my company's offices, where my boss had invited all the staff into his big corner office for some Champagne to welcome this English family to Frankfurt. So, there were about twenty people gathered there, together with my boss's wife and his young daughter who was drawing horses on the whiteboard.

My boss cracked out the Champers, we all had a bit of banter, and my son politely asked the daughter (in English) if he could borrow the pen and do some drawing too. Ah, it was a warm moment.

Until one of my colleagues said "Oh, I think maybe it is better if you see what your son is doing on the whiteboard."

I turned around to see my son had drawn a huge airship covered in swastikas.

Clearly, in the eyes of the Germans, this is what I had taught him to do.
(Fri 28th Nov 2008, 12:11, More)

» Kids

I came downstairs and caught my 3 year-old son...
...standing ON TOP of the TV. (Big 1990s Sony affair). Just standing there, with a smug look on his chops.

"What the hell are you doing up there?"
(Thu 17th Apr 2008, 15:35, More)

» Heroes and villains of 2011

Sky's "Psychic Sally"
...for building her private fortune from lying to the gullible and emotionally vulnerable. And BSkyB for perpetuating, glamourising and adding credibility to her act.

Grrrr...despicable woman!

It is a shame that the broadcaster doesn't feel morally obligated to precede the show with "WARNING: All credible evidence indicates that this programme is a load of Billy Bollocks."

That Derek Acorah. He's another one.
(Sat 31st Dec 2011, 15:10, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

Got on a plane for a long-haul flight. Middle seat on a 747. Aaaargh.

Got settled in, just ready for twelve hours of vegetative contemplation, when chap next to me leans over and says:

"Tell me, do you ever read The Bible?"
(Fri 30th May 2008, 9:28, More)
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