b3ta.com user you_always_felt_like_suede
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22 year old female musician living in Manchester.


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» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

Scheize Bars......
one of my older brothers was an army lad for many years.

One of those lovely 'yarn round the fire' stories that he told never left me, even though i was only about eleven years old when i heard it.

It was the one about the long list of German strip joints he went to when he was posted in Germany......

Eleven years old is really too young to hear about minging German strippers shitting on eachother for the amusement of the general public.
(Mon 27th Mar 2006, 0:25, More)

» School fights

primary school
When i was at primary school i was an exceptionally small little girl for my age and didn't get into any real fights because a) the fact that I could draw well was a Season Survival Ticket, that made me "ok" with all the tough, stupid fuckers, and b) because I was so fucking tiny and pathetic-looking, getting involved in a fight with me could only result in my death.

My primary school was a little Roman-Catholic one with a lot of disabled, mentally retarded and foreign kids (it was popular for being "open-minded").

There was this bulky Russian kid with little slits for eyes who had never liked me much but was largely indifferent to me and I to him. One of my "friends" told me, one day, to go up to him and tell him that he had a "spare-tyre". At the time I didn't know what a "spare tyre" was, but for some stupid reason I went up to him and delivered the message. He got me up against a sandstone wall and kicked the shit out of me for about ten minutes.

Later in the day I left a chocolate spread sandwich on his chair and he spent the rest of the day looking like he'd shat himself.

Fucking asshole.
(Thu 16th Mar 2006, 20:43, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Not my expreience, but......
My sister is a violinist who lived in London for many years, getting work as a backing violinist in some quartet or another for big-time musicians such as Vanessa Mae, Robbie Williams, and Oasis. (She's the violinst in the Oasis video 'Don't Go Away', who appears right at the beginning and right at the end...and in a few bits in between).

Sounds great? Maybe. But a lot of musicians who get these jobs know better.
A friend of her's who was a keyboardist or something (i forget) was supposed to be accompanying 'the artist formerly known as prince' on tour in Britain and Europe. She had a disabled child who she would need to bring with her, and because she knew that children were allowed on the tour in cases of single parents, she didn't think there would be any problem.

When 'the artist' was informed, however, that one of the musicians needed to bring her disabled kid with her for the tour, he apparently said, "We don't want it!"....and that was her struck off from the tour.

As for my sister's experience...i went along to see her play at a Vanessa Mae concert in Glasgow. My sister took me backstage to the green room where I met Ms. Mae, who was a total airhead, giggling her arse off and making vapid, unfunny 'jokes' about the appearance of the various backing musicians. There were other people that she totally ignored 100% of the time.

My sister also told me that she mimed her way through 50% of every concert. (How you mime on a violin, i don't know, but she managed it).

At the end of the concert, she had to ask the electric guitarist the names of the people in the string section so that she could get a round of applause for them. She'd been touring with them for months, and didn't have a clue what their names were. How big of her.

On the plus side, my sister stuck a whoopie cushion under Vanessa's arse during a soundcheck, which promted everyone except Vanessa to piss themselves laughing. She herself was not amused at all.

Must've been the only highlight for the rest of the entourage on that whole tour.
(Fri 26th May 2006, 15:48, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

a good one from primary school
there was a guy called Thomas at my primary school who was a right little shit. One day we were playing rounders (for you Americans, Rounders is basically baseball, but given a different name for no good reason, and it's predominantly played by people under ten years old - not by choice, but because of being forced by teachers)

Anyway one day he was up to bat, and he whacked the ball almost out of the field. As Thomas was running - with about four teachers observing the game - his friend who shall remain nameless) screamed out 'RUN, TAMPAX!!!'

the whole game stopped for about twenty minutes as Thomas and his friend were reprimanded for using foul nicknames. That was a pretty interesting day....
(Wed 24th May 2006, 18:35, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

scotland, home of the bluntest nicknames
Dundee. Known to us St.Andrews "posh twats" (affectionate nickname given to us by the youth of Dundee) as Scumdee. Much better to be honest. It gives you a better mental picture of the place.
(Tue 23rd May 2006, 19:38, More)
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