b3ta.com user Eldraduffin
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» I met a weirdo on the interweb

I joined B3ta - need I say more...

Sorry... Don't hurt me...
(Mon 20th Mar 2006, 10:15, More)

» Heckles

Annoying twats...
Was at a comedy night at local theatre a couple of months ago, was going well, good humoured banter between us and the MC and first act, till towards the end of the first act and the interval.

Then a voice shouts out from the back (can't remember quite what), the comic takes it in good humour, as you do. But the twat will not shut up, and annoying comments keep coming for 5 or so minutes, then the comic - who by now is quite pissed off - finishes of his act, and it had gone well apart for the twat.

The MC comes out again to do a bit of MC-ing, and the twat starts up again. Obviously the MC had been expecting this or was more experienced with dealing with twats. So he casually starts taking the piss out of him, much to our amusement and the guy carries on - I expect he didn't realise what was going on. At the end the MC finally snaps (sort of) and challenges this bloke, he has the break to come up with something decent, and if it gets a laugh he'll buy the twat a pint. Fair enough.

After the break I'm back in my seat a bit early - no money for the bar, and I think I've guessed who the guy is. The theatre fills up, and in come the guys I thought it was coming from. Except one is missing - he'd obviously legged in the break.

MC come out, news gets out, he makes a joke about not having to buy a pint, and we get on with a brilliant night of laughs. Which that twat missed.

Serves the twat right, if you ain't funny, don't heckle - unless you're really, really pissed or know the bouncers so they won't hurt you.
(Thu 6th Apr 2006, 15:37, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

It wad pretty damn scary when I actually summoned Satan and he possessed me. Luckily for me after he spent a few hours in my head he was begging to be released - no joke.

See, he's not that great - probably why he normally possesses little girls.
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 18:10, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

graveyard fun...
We went on a school trip to the local churches graveyard (we had fun trips) and me and a couple of mates thought it'd be funny to freak out the people who were being really superstitious (not walking over graves and stuff) by pretending to summon the dead, waving beads around and chanting and crud like that. Didn't work though (the summoning that is, the people were getting well annoyed - which was good enough for us). Then the teacher said that all the gravestones had been moved, so weren't actually at their graves - cue mass hysteria from the people afraid of walking on graves.

As for the comeuppance, well we did no work and got shouted at repeatedly for mucking about, and then again for doing no work. Eh, you can't win em all - but they wouldn't have messed if I'd raised something.
(Fri 21st Apr 2006, 10:54, More)

» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

Not me but...
For not getting beaten up for stealing a good story reasons I won't mention any names but... (this was a while back)
Army cadet (english) trip to a base in Germany, for fun and pretending to shoot stuff from what I've gathered. Couple of days in they get this call, a load of tree stumps need clearing from this nearby field, so off they go. The instructors/guards/whatever had decided they'd use plastic explosives to clear these stumps - blow them out - so they give these cadets (16/17 maybe) some detenators and stuff and send them off. Cue them pooling the explosives and packing it under one stump. Retire to safe distance, watch in awe as decent sized tree stump is fired completely out of the ground well into the air.

Who said the youth of today are any different from the olden days (50's/60's), i mean i know thats what we (and by we i don't mean myself and my friends, of course) would do given the chance.
(Tue 28th Mar 2006, 20:57, More)
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