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» Shoplifting
Shoplifting
Used to be a bad boy when younger, nicked loads. Not only did it save money, it was also exciting, and best of all, no time wasted bloody queueing. Once I only nicked something because of the length of the queue.
Got caught eventually, cautioned, etc. That caution is kept a secret from the outside world, providing I don't break the law for 20 years from that date, at which point the record is destroyed (or so they pretend). But otherwise, it's chokey for me. Or so they said.
Sorted myself out. Stopped being scruffy shameless criminal scum. Got a proper job. Payed taxes. Grew up. Learned a few useful latin phrases. Et cetera.
Anyway. Was recently in a shop, trying to buy some gadget for a friend. Got more and more cross with the lazy bloody staff ignoring me and chatting about their holidays, and finally decided to do something I'd always wanted to do when waiting like this. Just blatantly walk out with it. My theory being, that when they run over and point out that I haven't paid I can (1) point out that's their fault, thus gaining satisfaction and (2) pay them then, thus saving time. I'm a tad of an impatient fellow.
So out I strode, aforementioned technology brazenly held in my arms.
No-one noticed. I hesitated outside with the stolen goods for a bit. I went home. I'd shoplifted by mistake.
I hope they didn't have good CCTV. I'm a bit scared now.
(Fri 11th Jan 2008, 16:59, More)
Shoplifting
Used to be a bad boy when younger, nicked loads. Not only did it save money, it was also exciting, and best of all, no time wasted bloody queueing. Once I only nicked something because of the length of the queue.
Got caught eventually, cautioned, etc. That caution is kept a secret from the outside world, providing I don't break the law for 20 years from that date, at which point the record is destroyed (or so they pretend). But otherwise, it's chokey for me. Or so they said.
Sorted myself out. Stopped being scruffy shameless criminal scum. Got a proper job. Payed taxes. Grew up. Learned a few useful latin phrases. Et cetera.
Anyway. Was recently in a shop, trying to buy some gadget for a friend. Got more and more cross with the lazy bloody staff ignoring me and chatting about their holidays, and finally decided to do something I'd always wanted to do when waiting like this. Just blatantly walk out with it. My theory being, that when they run over and point out that I haven't paid I can (1) point out that's their fault, thus gaining satisfaction and (2) pay them then, thus saving time. I'm a tad of an impatient fellow.
So out I strode, aforementioned technology brazenly held in my arms.
No-one noticed. I hesitated outside with the stolen goods for a bit. I went home. I'd shoplifted by mistake.
I hope they didn't have good CCTV. I'm a bit scared now.
(Fri 11th Jan 2008, 16:59, More)
» Pointless Experiments
god bless science
Well I tried quitting eating once when I had no cash 'cos I'd spent it all on booze. But the cold turkey's a bitch. I couldn't stand up after 3 days.
And I decided, when upon the blessed dole, to allow my own body to decide bedtime. Result - 36 hours awake, 12 hours asleep, with a 1/2 hour nap in the middle of the awake bit. Left me feeling blinding good.
And I tried to invent the ideal sandwich. After several weeks of trying a variety of combinations, it turned out to be everything I like covered in melted cheese. Should really have seen that one coming.
And as has been previously documented, whilst a wee nipper I disproved the old myth of there being a chemical in swimming pools that would turn wee-wee blue, by hearty experimentation. Repeatedly.
(Fri 25th Jul 2008, 16:26, More)
god bless science
Well I tried quitting eating once when I had no cash 'cos I'd spent it all on booze. But the cold turkey's a bitch. I couldn't stand up after 3 days.
And I decided, when upon the blessed dole, to allow my own body to decide bedtime. Result - 36 hours awake, 12 hours asleep, with a 1/2 hour nap in the middle of the awake bit. Left me feeling blinding good.
And I tried to invent the ideal sandwich. After several weeks of trying a variety of combinations, it turned out to be everything I like covered in melted cheese. Should really have seen that one coming.
And as has been previously documented, whilst a wee nipper I disproved the old myth of there being a chemical in swimming pools that would turn wee-wee blue, by hearty experimentation. Repeatedly.
(Fri 25th Jul 2008, 16:26, More)