» Letters they'll never read

A Drunken Letter to NASA
I was working with Google Docs recently and came across this letter. Turns out I came home quite drunk one night feeling rather racist. I did have a point though. You might want to skip some to just get the gist, I don't know how I wrote so much while paralytic.

Dear NASA,

I am writing to you in order to suggest a mission. I have recently noticed that there has not been a manned moon landing since December 1972. Why not? Despite recent evidence to support the landings, there are still conspiracy theorists who do not believe the Apollo moon landings were genuine. What I am wondering is why hasn't NASA sent another man to the moon, and proved the doubters wrong? Obviously this is not the sole reason I suggest you send someone to the moon, but surely by not doing so you are just fuelling the conspiracy fires?

Anyway, as already stated, I am writing this e-mail in order to make a suggestion. In a move which would really banish doubters, I propose that NASA launches a lunar landing mission involving the entire negro community of the world. I have recently compiled a list of several supporting reasons for doing this, which you will find very shortly if you are reading this email in a logical manner. Here they are:

You haven't actually let any blacks on to the Moon yet. That's a bit racist if you ask me.
Many (most) black people would like to go to the moon (just ask them).
Some conspiracists may be black (this would show them).
There have never been any mass moon landings. Imagine what a team of people could do up there.
It would be funny.

It is the last point on the list which I would like to expand upon to some extent. I did not go into much detail on the list, and perhaps the minimalistic linguistics do not convey the entire point I am making, but an act like this would most definitely improve the popularity and marketability of NASA (I'm thinking clothing range, couldn't find one on your website), and therefore providing an increase in income from commercial products and through government funding due to the general public feeling more inclined to allowing an increase in the financial contribution from the government.

It is not only this that made me include that last point. With reference to the way I articulated said reason, I suggest that the moon landing be merely a one-way journey. This would be a grand comedic moment in an otherwise dull Millennium so far, especially if the proposed astronauts did not know this detail of their journey. When they arrive on the moon, the Caucasian population would almost certainly be watching the event on TV or via the internet, and at that moment you could use this link to announce to both parties that, for example, the space shuttles are out of fuel and therefore will not be returning to planet earth.

Now, you may initially reject this idea as infantile and inhumane, but bear with me. Firstly, the majority of world poverty would be wiped out as the inhabitants of third world countries will be on the moon, and the white people in poverty can be subsidised with the richer coloured peoples money. Secondly, global warming issues would be solved by the global reduction in CO2 caused by the reduction in the worlds population emitting all the carbon. As well as these two major problems, shortages in medicine, housing, prison space and other such inconveniences would all meet solutions should you look in to my proposal. Lastly, the operation would probably not be rendered inhumane, as there will be no black people on earth to complain. It would be like supporting rights for dinosaurs, which nobody does because there aren't any any more (I googled this to check and all I found were some Canadians protesting for dinosaur rights thinking they were funny).

So, in summary, I suggest you send all blacks to the moon. For reasons I have outlined here, it would be an excellent venture for NASA, thoroughly improving not only itself but the condition of the entire world and those who remain upon it.

I look forward to receiving a reply regarding my proposal.

I can't remember writing it, and I can't remember sending it. So I either saved it as a draft, or NASA are currently considering it.
(Thu 4th Mar 2010, 23:15, More)

» Unexpected Good Fortune

I was in town
one day and I saw Barry Scott!! of all people. However it's true you should never meet your heroes, he wouldn't give me an autograph unless I bought a big issue from him
(Wed 20th Sep 2006, 20:09, More)

» Barred

I've be
en bard for life from the cinema in town. 4 times. The third was about an hour after the second when I went back in wearing tall shoes and a wig. The guy realised it was me a small while into the film.
(Thu 31st Aug 2006, 20:50, More)

» Awesome Sickies

World Cup
I don't really care if England win or not because I am Welsh. So in 2002 I wasn't too bothered about missing the morning games in school. However, my English friend came in the day after an England game (and a day he had been absent) and handed in a note from his mother explaining how he and his brother had 'footitus' because they had been sharing shoes. (Note if you are looking for sickies to use for yourself DO NOT use this. Although it did seem to work.)
(Mon 12th Jun 2006, 21:27, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Hitler
Something I always do in History - Draw a moustache on him! And we're the top class.
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 21:32, More)