» Turning into your parents

Sad humour
I was waiting for my sister to get ready so we could visit my grandparents (who puts make-up on to visit relatives?), she was taking a while so my mother went up to nag her. I heard my mother ask "If you're just putting on make-up why have you taken your jeans off?" to which me and my dad shouted up the stairs at the same time, "Shes powdering her cheeks!"

there is no hope for me...
(Mon 4th May 2009, 0:09, More)

» God

Floggin the log
When I was a bit younger I worked away from home for a few months, staying with an elderly an very christian relative (went to church every week, church meetings, bible study, the whole shebang). This in itself was not a problem, although I am an atheist I managed to keep a lid on it and not laugh too hard at stupid notions of some magical being creating an entire planet and all upon it.

The trouble was this, there was no lock on my room, I am a man, I spent all week in work and most nights sleeping or trying to catch up with friends over the net, how was I supposed to crack one off?
The solution came to me (heh), church was the answer!

So early sunday mornings while my auntie was in church praying and whatnot, I was at home sinning like it was the end of the world.
(Fri 20th Mar 2009, 19:23, More)

» Insults

College
Was standing outside the main entrance at college a few years ago with my mate having a quick smoke when two boys from the foundation (moron) course walk past suddenly followed by a third rem who shouts "Wait for me you buckets of quimshit"

Almost choked on my smoke... guess you had to be there
(Fri 5th Oct 2007, 23:57, More)

» School Sports Day

weird shit
now that maladicta mentions houses/hogwarts i remember my primary school had seperate teams, red, green, blue and yellow and guess wot? green always won, until we(red) got this cool kid who was really good at sports, blue team were always good sports and yellow sucked so much ass it was unbelievable

ps: i was just a nerdy kid who came last in all the events
(Thu 30th Mar 2006, 23:21, More)

» Your first cigarette

Things I learnt at school
besides the usual, 1 + 1 = 2 and 'wrap your pecker before you deck 'er' I learned that smoking made you look cool, and allowed you to hang out with the elite badasses (OK, drunken, stoned morons, but it was fun) trouble is, when I left all that behind, I realised that I love smoking, theres nothing finer than the sharp taste of a rollie on a cold day, even better if its sub zero or raining, no idea why. and 3am, when theres nobody outside but you and your ciggy and you can just relax and enjoy the silence and be with your thoughts.

I will quit one day, but until then, smoke em if you got em
(Thu 20th Mar 2008, 23:01, More)