» The worst sex I ever had

They Never Look Like They Sound
In College I volunteered for a Crisis Phoneline overnight. People having issues would call to talk, totally anonymous. 95% of the calls we received were nutters crank calling (Many wanking to the sound of a woman’s voice) or nutters who were lonely. One of the callers I started getting on a regular basis was a female with a beautiful voice. She was a bit negative but we would talk for a while and she would come around and hang up happier than she started. However I noticed her calls started going towards sexual talk and in the end she was one of the ones calling to wank off on the phone. Well being a teenage guy, I said what the hell and when I was working alone we would have fantastic phone sex.

Unbeknownst to me, my best friend who also worked the night shift there, was taking calls from this lady as well.

Over time she progressed things and in the end, she came into town (She lived an hour away from the College I was attending) and got a hotel room. Well she called me and invited me over. I was supposed to meet her in the morning and we would make all those wonderful fantasies come true. I almost couldn’t sleep that night and woke up the next morning dressed and shaved and smelling great because I was getting sex with only the second woman I had been with. I damn near ran to that motel and knocked on the door and it was answered by the evil twin of the woman on the phone! She was short and fat, she was scary in more ways than I can describe. Now I like a woman of size but when this woman was naked, everything hung. My dreams of large firm breasts were met by fried eggs.

Being a gentleman, and horned to the 9's, I didn’t know what to do - How do you say at 19, "I'm sorry - your too scary to have sex with and I'm afraid for my life?" without sounding rude?

I stepped into the hotel room and we talked and in the end she wanted the promised sex. I tried and I tried and I finally got the flag to rise to the situation and we had the fastest sex I think I ever had, and I managed to pop by not looking at her and thinking of other things! Continuing to be a gentleman I explained that "Wow this was overwhelming for me" and "I was so turned on by you that I couldn’t hold back"

I got dressed as quickly as I could and got the hell out of there. I immediately called my best friend to recount the story. Turns out that he was why I had to meet her in the morning. She had screwed him the night before, and rather than being a gentleman, I told her he had to get a coke from the vending machine, and never came back.

I spent 5 years working on Radio after that, the first peice of advice I was given, and I have passed it on many times since, is when that hot sounding chick calls in the middle of the night and wants to get together when your shift is over - just say no! They never look like they sound!
(Sun 17th Jun 2007, 19:43, More)