b3ta.com user HamsterOfDoom
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» School Sports Day

Miss Chewbacca
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away (Hull/'Ull) There was to be a fantastical sports day at a primary school on a lovely council estate. There would be races with eggs and spoons and potato sacks! And there would be prizes - Oh god the prizes!!!! Too fantastical for me to even mention (Something so shit I forget what they were)

Anyway, on the day of said sporting activities a particularly lovely teacher - Miss Chewbacca (Obviously not her real name, but it's similar!) So anyways, Miss Chewbacca approaches and ever so sweetly says "Who would rather go draw pictures and read books instead of joining in the racing?"

So of course myself and a few of my friends all look at each other - actually we were quite thrilled by this idea as we were lazy fecks that didn't want to participate in such wank activities, So we all raise our hands along with a couple of the weirdos that always threw tables and chairs at the teachers.
So Miss Chewbacca says "Excellent" (not unlike Mr Burns might i add) "follow me please children" so we all follow her giggling all the way, very proud of ourselves because we'd got out of crappy sports.

Oh what a bitch it was when she let us all into the smallest, hottest classroom, waited til we were all inside then slammed the door behind her and began shouting at us because we chose the wrong thing and that we were all crap cause we didn't want to do sporting activities. The rest of the afternoon in that stuffy room was a bitch.
We all had to sit in silence,(apart from the odd whimper) writing lines
"I must always participate in sport"
We were there for a good 3 hours.

I think the only good thing about that afternoon was the fact that my mother had a bitch fit at Miss Chewbacca when she found out what had happened. Wasn't a good day for that evil old cow - My mother was already her sworn enemy because she used to send my brother to the headteacher so often and told everyone, including my mother "He's trouble"
Okay so he might have been trouble (and it's possible that he still is) but you don't say shit like that to my mother, she'll give you a tongue lashing that you'll never forget - Her words scar you for life, she truly is an evil genius.

Looking back on it now it was all quite 'Simpsons' but this was a few years before then, i think big brother is watching me.
(Fri 31st Mar 2006, 2:22, More)

» Failed

I failed to have protected sex.

I am now a whale.

Not really sure the length was worth it
(Wed 10th Jan 2007, 12:26, More)

» Awesome Sickies

My head fell off once, apparently.
(Wed 14th Jun 2006, 14:22, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Dun Dun Duuunn
My on/off nickname (kindly given to me by my own mother) Is fadge/fatfadge/fadgita - Her reason for the vile name is cause apparently when i was a baby/toddler i was a fat fucker and my fadge was apparently fat.

The bitch.
(Mon 22nd May 2006, 0:55, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Duck & Others
There was a girl i was friends with at school - she started to piss me off after a while so i started being a bit nasty - She was nicknamed duck because when she laughed she looked like one. Needless to say once people started calling her Duck she didn't laugh so much anymore. I also made a song up about her dandruff too, I'd sing it to her and anyone else that would listen during physics. I think she ended up hating me.

Snake also hated me but fuck it i can't help being a twat. Anyway snake got her name because of god knows what - I think she'd said something stupid about snakes which people found funny or whatever. She used to get really mad whenever anyone called her snake, obviously that made people do it even more.
It made her cry a few times.

Beavis was nicknamed beavis cause he looked like him - we tried finding someone that looked like butthead but we never could.

Jesus was named jesus because of his long lank hair, i liked jesus he was cool. The the day we left school for the very last time some twat cut his hair off.

Molly - After the film 'Ghost' came out a girl had her hair cut - She looked like Molly, I lengthened it to Molly Mushroomhead. She didn't like me.

There are more but i can't quite remember them all - I got the Nickname 'Bitch' When i went to sixth form. I thought that they could have tried harder, lazy bastard sudents!
(Mon 22nd May 2006, 3:54, More)
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