b3ta.com user BubaMan
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Recent front page messages:

I'm not going to hurt you...
I just want to buff your brains in.

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(Mon 26th Apr 2021, 16:13, More)

All work and no play makes a clean home :)

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(Thu 6th Jul 2017, 12:14, More)

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(Thu 1st Sep 2016, 11:11, More)

Don't talk to me about Christmas

(Mon 24th Jun 2013, 20:35, More)

I'm convinced...

(Wed 14th Jul 2010, 22:26, More)


(Thu 7th Aug 2008, 23:32, More)


(Thu 27th Mar 2008, 17:46, More)

It just wasn't the same
since his mates all got put down

(Thu 6th Sep 2007, 23:06, More)

click click click whine...

(Mon 11th Dec 2006, 23:27, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Messing with the Dark Side

Corpses & Twunt Ghosts
A friend of mine was walking home one night, after heavy thunder storm.
She was talking the shortcut that we all did, through the old Church grounds.
There was a lot of creaking and groaning as she was passing the church when the ground literally opened up, spilling a rotten corpse in her direction.
Lightning had hit a tree a little before she got there and started it to fall.
It's roots had lifted the coffin from it's previously happy home just in time for her to fill her pants.

On a later occasion, I was walking the same route when I got twatted firmly on the bridge of the nose.
It felt like a 4x2 - it stung like hell.
I fell to my arse and took stock of the situation.
There was NOTHING nearby that could have possibly hit me - no branches, no twunt with a bat, no limping flying beast, nothing.

I stopped walking that route after that.
(Fri 21st Apr 2006, 15:57, More)

» IT Support

Sticky Keys
Being a long-serving button monkey, I've got loads of stories of idiot users but I'm going to tell you about one of my boo-boos...

I got a call from someone who had spilled coffee on their computer keyboard and was now getting beeps every time that they pressed a key.
I said that they could let it dry & it might be OK... unless they had sugar in their coffee.
Of course, they did.
"Oh dear" says I "It's game over for that keyboard".
"Is there nothing I can do" they ask.
"Well..." I said "Whilst it's still wet, you could try running it under the tap to flush the coffee out and leave it somewhere warm to dry overnight".
Happy with that, they hung up & I think no more of it.

I get a phone call the following day from the same person, now saying that their computer wouldn't even boot up now.
Half-way through booking a replacement keyboard, I get the question "Should I have taken the battery out before running it under the tap?"
Yep... I had instructed a user to soak their laptop.

Needless to say, I handled the laptop replacement personally.
In the call log, I put that there had been a roof leak and that was what had caused the water damage.

Lesson learned: Get ALL the facts before recommending a course of action!
(Thu 24th Sep 2009, 21:07, More)

» Dumb things you've done

Have you seen the trick whereby you get a gas lighter, you release some gas into the top of a loose fist, light it and open your hand (to make a flash and a "foop")?
Me too... but whist tripping my tits off in my teens, the only thing I had at my disposal was lighter FLUID...
The trick went really well but it didn't end with a "foop"...
My tripping friends were absoletely no help at all and were in fact enjoying the free human torch impersonation.
I ran around a bedsit, waving my burning hand frantically for about 30 seconds and eventually sat on my own hand to suffocate the flames.

You'd think that the blisters and the reddened mit might have taught me a lesson but it was only a week later that I was tripping again and went with my friends to the garage (at about 2 AM) - I didn't want anything so I stayed outside...
About 2 minutes later, my mate came running out of the shop and smacked me very hard in the face.
It turned out that I was leaning against a petrol pump, playing with my lighter.

I don't touch LSD any more but not for the reasons above ;-)

Edit: Er, thanks Legless - yes, LCD is much harder to swallow!
(Fri 21st Dec 2007, 14:01, More)

» Things to do before you die

I'd like to figure out the Grand Unified Theory...
but I'd take being able to solve the Rubik's Cube!
(Tue 19th Oct 2010, 19:34, More)