b3ta.com user el perro grande
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» Dumb things you've done

Toilet face
I woke up a while back needing a shit something horrible but also needed a piss, top this off with a relentless morning glory. I sat down on the loo and tried bending it into the bowl etc but had no chance of making that work. I honestly thought I could squeeze the tip of my nob hard enough to stop the flow, I gripped hard, released my bowels and promptly sprayed concentrated morning piss all over my own face.
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 17:04, More)

» Food sabotage

I lived with a few guys who loved to take on drunken challenges, i'm guessing to prove how 'hard' they were.

One night this involved eating/drinking stupid or disguting things. Creative, hmmmm.

I challenged them to eat a tablespoon of salt and wash it down with a shot of vinegar. To be fair to me, I honestly didn't know that replacing the salt with bicarbonate of soda would make them vomit as much as they did. But it wash fucking funny.
(Tue 23rd Sep 2008, 23:01, More)

» Letters they'll never read

Dear angry IT support guy
you should have tried harder at school.


Everyone who has had to deal with you miserable fucks.
(Fri 5th Mar 2010, 17:24, More)

» Relief

As a teenager I liked to whack a golf ball around a bit. I was rubbish. To improve I was practising in my garden by knocking tees out of the ground. In my frustration at not being able to do this well I took an almighty swing and my poor grip gave way, launching the club spinning into the air off towards a neighbours driveway at the back of our house.

There was a very dull noise, no screams, no smashing glass, nothing. I went round to inspect the damage to find said neighbour stood next to his car looking very confused, my golf club next to it and a lond black rubber streak down the bonnet. The club had landed grip first on the car leaving nothing but a bit of rubber and no permanent damage to anything or one. Those 30 seconds before I knew all was OK were horrible, the relief lives with me to this day! (He was unbelievably nice about it and I hold a massive amount of respect for him given the potential of the situation)
(Fri 21st Dec 2012, 0:12, More)

» Destruction, Demolition and Deconstruction

I once smashed up something weighing 1000kg...

(Thu 8th Nov 2012, 23:08, More)
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