b3ta.com user The Splendid Oaf
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for The Splendid Oaf:
Profile Info:

25 yeras old. Male. Mancunian. Top drawer chap.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

Don't stop me now...
My mates funeral, back in November, was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. He died in very tragic circumstances, and it took weeks before we could bury him as his death was being investigated by the MoD.

Anyway, the funeral itself was, to be frank, fucking awesome. They had to close the shopping 'centre' (those that know Reddish in Stockport know what I mean... hardly a commercial epicentre is it?!) becuase of the 300 Royal Marines marching to the church. The uligy (sp?) was terrific, he had teh bugle call thing, a 12 gun salute (or is it ten? I forget...) and I learnt so much about my dearly missed friend.

His send off tune was Don't Stop Me Know, and I can't hear it without filling up then burtsing out laughing. We all went to the boozer afterwards, but there were so many of us we went to the offy next door for beer becuse the que for the bar was immense.

Fast forward 6 hours to a local kareoke spot, and 20 odd pissed up lads in suits belting out our mates anthem.

An horrific day for what we went through, but strangely a beautiful day...

Pax Vobisum, Ste. Love you and miss you.
(Thu 11th May 2006, 14:31, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

In no particular order:

Sharon M: (primary school)Constant runny nose, a bit odd, always pissed herself. Turns out, her dad was fucking her on a very regular basis from the age 8-19 or summat. Fucking sicko. I wrote song about her to the tune of "Hey Mona" by that cunt from neighbors.

Arthur Bullock. Seriously. He'd wander around with his prince valiant hair cut, trousers three inches too short pulled right up a la Simon Cowell. He'd pick pennies up off the floor. We'd all save up bits of change then lob across the canteen. You should have seen him go!

Hannah Rains (she got no brains!) Proper deep voice, big biiiig face. a bit of a loner. had a tendancy to piss herself. In secondary school.

Alyus Jedi Robertson Suggert. Honest! He looked like an umpalumpa, and he could uni cycle and juggle, ha ha

The usual assortmant of downs and cripples. I didn't think they should have been in a proper school tbh, but I'm a cunt.

sorry these are shit, but it's the best I can do.
(Mon 22nd Jan 2007, 16:45, More)

» School Trips

Alton Towers...
About TEN years ago now... Our year went to Alton Towers after our GCSEs. I had some new Nike Air trainers that got ruined on the Buzz Saw... BUT I got off with Christine Lowe, and she was fit so, you know, all's well that ends well.

(Wed 13th Dec 2006, 17:21, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Oh aye...
My mate banged the skanky blonde one from Girls Aloud. Sold his story to teh People on Sunday for about £8k. Now that there's a hero!
(Fri 26th May 2006, 10:37, More)

» My first experience of porn

Ah, memories
My mate Gavin had a close up from razzle in his wallet. We couldn't make any of it out... Mind, we were 8...

Oh and my dads mate Trev showed me a Readers Wives at about the same age... Again, I was a bit nonplussed...

But when I was 3 or 4, my grandad would buy the Sun and show me the "Page 3 diddies". Mother was mortified. I still have a healthy obsession with naughty pillows...
(Thu 25th Jan 2007, 15:44, More)
[read all their answers]