b3ta.com user LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!
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Finally getting around to putting something on here.

Here are two of my favourite jokes:

"December 5th, 1901 - Heisenberg probably born today".

"I always cry after sex... pepper spray's a bastard".

Also, I decided to write a poem. Here it is.

Most people tend to write about,
The things they wish they had,
Faith, true love, freedom from doubt,
Joy replacing sad,
And since the current of desire,
Flows in every soul,
Some people write of loins of fire,
And lovers' hearts they stole.
Others don't tell you what they miss,
But what they have instead,
A victory, a gentle kiss,
And yet, for all I've read,
Boastfulness and whistful yearning,
In equal ratio,
I've never seen a verse concerning,

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Going Too Far

Bit of a wide ranging Question this one.
My girlfriend and I were having a conversation, in the usual mock-bickering way, and she ended up flicking my ears, which was rather annoying. My response was something of an overreaction. "Stop that or I'll hold you down and rape you".

Class act me.
(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 15:34, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

You may have heard on the news
about the controversy about the BNP Leader Nick Griffin, and holocaust denier David Irving, being invited to the Oxford Union (a members association not actually linked with the University) to participate in a debate about freedom of speech. Now whatever you think of this, you have to admit that these two individuals have the right to speak (within the confines of the quite justified statutory limitations on racial hatred). I live next to the Union. As I type this, I can hear the sound of hundreds of hysterical protestors shouting "Smash The BNP", a sentiment not wholly in keeping with the numerous signs reading "Peace not Hatred".

These two speakers are being invited to debate, and to be challenged (and they definitely will be). This is not a discussion of whether their views are right or not, there's no question that they're full of crap, it's a debate about where we restrict their freedom of speech. The Oxford Union isn't endorsing them, it isn't supporting them. The only benefit which they gain from this is from the misguided protests which are taking place and drawing a rather large amount of media attention, as well as wasting a lot of police time. I'm not saying that inviting David Irving and Nick Griffin was a good idea, just that it is not something that should be protested, or stifled.

My respect goes out to the few people supporting the lonely banner which read "I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it".

EDIT: A whole parade of people with various anti-BNP signs marched past my window with various annoying chants. The thing is though, this isn't like the Iraq War, showing opposition doesn't mean a damn thing. What you need to do is demonstrate through reasoned debate and clear logic that the BNP are a bunch of racist cunts. They haven't won any council elections in Oxford (as I helpfully pointed out to one protestor), surely the time and effort of these people would be far better used in helping to promote awareness of just how shit the BNP's policies are in places like Dagenham where they actually have some support.

I realise this is all a bit off topic, but it's really starting to piss me off. Also, let's face it, you're probably tired of the whole "War on Christmas" debate.
(Mon 26th Nov 2007, 21:26, More)

» The Worst Journey in the World

My parents
went to London on the 7th of July and all I got was a bloody t-shirt.
(Thu 7th Sep 2006, 15:04, More)

» Eccentrics

I knew this guy
he was a scientist, PhD and everything. He really fulfilled all the stereotypes, crazy hair, wild eyes, labcoat, real Einstein type guy.

I used to hang around with him when I was a teenager because he was fun and always had these cool gadgets. Seriously, he had this one sort of Rube Goldberg contraption that fed his dog. Plus, I didn't know that many people (I had a girlfriend and everything, but I wasn't that socially connected).

So anyway, I'd skateboard over to his house before school (yeah, I know, a bit lame, but I didn't have the money for a bus fare, or a car, and bikes were for nerds back then, so skateboard it was). We'd chill out, talk, he'd be confused by my modern slang, but we got on ok. This one time in fact, I got there and he wasn't in, but there in the middle of his living room was the biggest speaker I'd ever seen. But that's another story altogether.

The point when I realised that he was truly eccentric was when he called me up, really worried, telling me to meet him in a car park. I was a bit confused, but I trusted the old guy, and I turned up. He hands me a video camera. At this point, I'm worried I'm going to turn into one of the crew for Dogging Diaries Vol 14, but it turns out he just wants me to record the unveiling of his latest invention.

So he opens up the back of his lorry, and, in a cloud of unnecessary dry ice, emerges, a DeLorean.

Fucking thing broke down after five minutes. Stopped hanging out with him, got into weed.
(Thu 30th Oct 2008, 19:20, More)

» Puns

Knock Knock
Who's there?


Neil Who?

Neil Before Zod!
(Thu 5th Mar 2009, 13:17, More)
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