» Well, that taught 'em

Hmm, timely
Just this morning, actually. Turned up yesterday in my usual walking-zombie before-coffee state, only to happen across a large player-type who desperately needed a touch of IT support.

"You're the computer bloke, yeah?"
"Yeah..."
"Got an urgent problem I need you to fix..."

Go for a wander and survey the situation. Then inform him that he is quite capable of moving his own monitor to the other side of the desk. Much chuckling from the other two player-types in the room ensues.

"See, I told you he was lazy!" Heh heh, laughs all around.

Better laughs this morning though. Turns out his swipe card wouldn't let him into the car park. Or the building. Or his office.

Heh heh...
(Wed 2nd May 2007, 6:41, More)

» Too much information

Why did I leave my last job?
My last job involved working as the IT nerd at a school. Part of this job involved checking the e-mail filter when it has caught e-mails involving language that doesn't quite meet appropriate standards.

Some of the things the students got up to were rather eye-opening. Especially the ones involving other students. A bit of classroom sexytime is not unusual in this day and age, but it was the first all-girls school I'd ever worked at.

Mind you, my 15-year-old 'prentice quite enjoyed it.
(Fri 7th Sep 2007, 11:15, More)

» Too much information

I need to un-learn things
Things as told to me by my little brothers' ex-girlfriend one night after a few too many drinks. Shudder. Still, in the interests of education, handed her a tube of lube and gave her instructions on how to use it, in order to make sure that you can sit down properly the morning after, and proceeded to drink myself into a coma, hoping that I'd forget all about it.

Sadly, it didn't work. On both counts.
(Fri 7th Sep 2007, 1:59, More)

» Public Sex

Don't befriend your family on Facebook
Have just got off the phone from calling up a mate to abuse the crap out of him, thoroughly bringing his Saturday night party buzz down.

Meredith Music Festival is the scene. In the interests of brevity, I'll break it down to three dot points:

1. Met a young'un, who was very much up for it.
2. It rained sideways for the whole three days.
3. I brought my own vehicle along.

Well, this pretty much sorts itself, thinks I. However, I've clearly neglected a vital consideration

4. Never trust a munted pervert with a camera.

Our 'official photographer' has finally posted the festival photos he took onto Facebook. Only took a scant 5 months to achieve, but hey, the busy schedules of part-time uni students/'pharmaceutical distributors' are clearly not to be trifled with.

In amongst the photos of all of us wandering around looking like half-drowned rats with eyes like saucers, is a particularly eye-catching presentation snapped from outside the rear window of my car. It's not a good look.

No one should ever have to see their own HBMA. More to the point, no-one's Mum should ever see her son's HBMA.

Thank god I've already opted out of Sunday roast with the family tomorrow. There's a few topics of conversation best avoided.
(Sat 25th Apr 2009, 13:31, More)

» Guilty Secrets

E-mail is not secret
It really isn't.

Especially if you keep ringing my office phone, mobile phone and server room phone just to have a whinge about how your computer is slightly slower than normal and how important you are that I absolutely must drop everything I'm doing and come and hold your hand. (Quick tip for those playing along at home: If you job title has the word 'trainee' in it, please don't try to pull rank and boast about self-importance. It will either amuse or anger, and neither reaction will get you the outcome you seek.)

If you are being particularly odious, you may also find out that your Myspace isn't particularly secret either. You (and your online friends) may also be enlighted as to what you would look like with a CDC on your left cheek.

Welcome to anti-social networking.
(Tue 4th Sep 2007, 7:36, More)