» Lies I told on my CV

Im sorry
Dear B3TArds,
as this is my first post i feel
i should apologise for lying on my cv.
I cannot manage a large country and i am in
fact an idiot,

Signed,
George W Bussh
(have i spelt my name right tony?)
(Fri 7th Jul 2006, 14:20, More)

» Running away

In my youth...
...my 'best' friend (i.e. he was older and would shit on me whenever he felt like it, but he was cool so I looked cool with him) set fire to a neighbours fence with me nearby.
He said I lit the fire and it was all my idea.
Cue months grounding from the 'rents.

So I wrote a letter to my mum stating that as no-one believed i didn't do it i had taken my pocket money and got on a train to London and I would contact them in 18 years or so.

Funnily enough i didn't go to London but hid under my bed until mummy found said letter. She screamed hysterically for 5 minutes then stomped off to my friends house across the road. I watched gleefully as my 'best' mate got the beating of his life for making her precious little soldier fuck off far away.

It was funny until she returned home to find my giggling in the living room.

I have never been beaten so hard with a rolled up newspaper in all my life, and the only time i left the house in 3 weeks was to do my paper round and go to school. Im still a little twat now...
(Tue 15th Aug 2006, 19:32, More)

» That's me on TV!

I was on tv once...
but my mum told me to get off before it broke.
*sorry
(Sun 14th Jun 2009, 12:23, More)

» That's me on TV!

I was on MOTD. Watched it with my friends once......
Never really posted before so I thought now was the perfect time to bore you all with my rambling stories.

I used to be a ball boy for what call themselves a football team from Bolton. 5th round FA cup v charlton 2001 and we were 1-0 up with a man sent off.

My spot was behind the goal in front of the away fans and we were getting increasingly battered. I was getting more and more angry with each attack and i was behind the goal they were attacking which meant i was on a lot of replays.

5 mins to go and 'keeper pulls off an amazing save promting me to leap up, on national telly, and give their striker a quite astonishing foul mouthed tirade about how shit he was (i put the osbournes to shame with the use of the f-word).

That made me feel "well 'ard" in front of my mates (high-fives, get in there lad, you tell him... that kind of accolade), until the very next replay which showed me cowering behind the goal being pointed and shouted at by a gorilla of a policeman telling me i was gonna get arrested. Being 16 i was naturally visibly crapping my pants about being locked up (goody 2 shoes till my late teens).

I have never gone from super cool guy to big fat soft arse so fast in my life! I still hear my friends laughs at night.
(Sat 13th Jun 2009, 23:32, More)