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» Insults

My 7 year old Autistic son
hasn't quite grasped insults yet, so he frequently tries to upset me by saying things like

"mummy you're just like a watermelon you are"
"daddy you're just like a car you are"

He's ACE!
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 12:56, More)

» How nerdy are you?

I remember many years ago (approx 10-11 years) when I was still living at home with my parents, I was a PA by day and a Barmaid by night, I was pretty normal for an 18-19 year old but I had an evening ritual. On the nights I wasn't working in the pub I would religiously make myself a cup of hot chocolate and put 3 maryland cookies on a plate, snuggle up in my bed and watch Star Trek the next generation on Sky one at 11pm. It didn't even worry me that I had a secret crush on Wesley Crusher or that I knew what a deflector shield was, because I never told anyone, it was my favourite time of day and I hated missing any of it.

A year or so later I met Mr Sp@m, he was a customer in the pub I worked in, and in time I left my home to move in here and my nightly ritual was replaced with washing ironing and eventually mothers duties. I often looked back fondly to those nights when I would snuggle up under my toasty warm duvet and I felt always felt like something was missing in my life.

Life went on until mid 2007 and I went to a family BBQ and got chatting to my uncle about star trek, not revealing the extent of my previous obsession I nodded my head and mumbled something about how I used to watch it, roll to his 60th in November and my dad announces that he's has bought said uncle every episode of the original series on DVD, feeling secretly envious I began to hide away on the PC when no-one was about, looking for TNG episodes on the PC and failing.

Then, one night a few weeks later I am sat in bed flicking through the late night crap that is Little Britain and Catherine Tate, I press the up channel on the remote and pass the sci-fi channel. OH MY GOD STAR TREK IS ON, NOT ONLY THAT IT'S ON AT 11pm - I felt equal amounts of joy to that of seeing my child take their first step. Not only was it on Sci-fi at 11pm every night, I had caught it at the start, the very first episode (encounter at farpoint for those in the know). I promptly ran downstairs put the kettle on and grabbed the biscuit tin, but I had to make do with bourbons as up until then I felt that eating maryland cookies without start trek was a betrayal.

Snuggled up under my duvet with my biscuits and hot chocolate I felt whole again, the next time I went shopping I stocked up on cookies and resumed my ritual, only now it's better, because if I miss it it doesn't matter I have the technology that is sky plus.
Christmas came around and Mr Sp@m asked me what I wanted, I didn't know what I wanted (well I did but I wasn't about to admit it to him) but I had a cunning plan. When he had gone to work, I went on his amazon account and searched for star trek box sets, knowing that it would show up on the list of previously viewed items. My plan worked, Christmas morning I saw I box with "To Sam, lots of love, Mark" on it. I was itching to rip that paper off, but family tradition states that I cannot do this until it is handed to me by my dad and he's read the tag out and all the family including my two sisters and their children all have their eyes on me. I sit trying to decide how to react when I open it, do I go "ohhhhh yay star trek, thanks love" or do I show excited I really am? I chose the former and decide to go down the "im so cool" route. I fail miserably, I rip the paper off and see it's not only a box set but a collectors one, with every single episode and something like 3 hours of special features. I scream I jump up and down and kiss mr sp@m all over the face. The blank looks on everyones faces says it all. I am a geek, I am THE family geek. They have all lost their respect for me. But I don't care I have 178 episodes of star trek.

My youngest started at nursery in January and my afternoons were not taken up by washing or ironing, I was watching star trek. By the end of February I had watched it all, every single episode, except the last one. I can't bring myself to watch it, because when I do it's over , finished, gone, and I will feel empty again. So I bought myself Voyager season one and I am being good this time I am limiting myself to one episode a night, at 11pm with my duvet, hot chocolate and maryland cookies.
(Fri 7th Mar 2008, 9:12, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Would this count?

an in joke for the peoples of /talk - sorry
(Tue 8th May 2007, 12:55, More)

» Crap meals out

A million years ago...
My mum and dad went on a weekend to some shitty seaside resort somewhere. One night they went out, had a few bevvies and then off they toddle back to to their digs via the chinese. According to my dad, back in the stone ages it was a huge treat for them to get a chinese, so he was really looking forward to his number 46 (chinese pork fried rice if it matters) and a curry sauce.

My mum thought it would be "romantic" for them to walk back via the beach, so off they go. Halfway down the beach my dad decides he needs a wee so he gives the chinese in; complemetary stripey bag, to my mum while he nips in the local pub. My mum stood on the beach all alone decides it would be fun to skim pebbles on the surf, she says she got some six and seven bouncers and was getting right into it when all of a sudden SHIT!

She chucked the chinese in the sea instead of the pebble!

Needless to say my poor dad was gutted!!!!
(Thu 27th Apr 2006, 17:12, More)

» Shoplifting

I am copying and pasting a previous answer

Every year one of my kids manages to steal something from the same Mallorcan shop and its always the same man who's working when it happens.

The first time was when the smallest (then being 11 months) reached out and grabbed some toys from the shelf. It wasn't until we were back at the hotel that I noticed the pack of four Disney squeakers he had in his lap. Being the same resort and shop we go to every year and being on "hello when did you arrive" terms with the shop owner I felt it my duty to go back and admit to my child's felony. I was expecting the lovely Mallorquin to give a roasting as he has that kind of face that looks scarey. It wasn't as bad as I thought. He gave them back to him with a grin thanking us for our honesty.

The second time was the same shop a year later - when we arrived on the first day the man in the shop laughed when he saw us and joked about last years incident reminded said child (now 23 months) to behave. Although he forgot to have words with my 6 year old, who 3 days later saw some motorbikes with mickey mouse on them and picked one up for himself which we paid for. It wasn't until we went for lunch in a bar an hour later that I realised the little one had one too which we didn't pay for. On questioning the older boy I discovered he felt sad for his brother and wanted him to have one too. I went back to the shop and insisted that I pay for it (this is also down to my fear that we have friends who live and run a really respected business in this resort and we are known there as their friends so I would hate to damage their reputation) - he eventually caved in and let me do so.

I originally posted this link 6 days before we went on last years holiday and yes, they managed to do it again but sadly not the same shop, it was a cup from the hotel that one of them managed to sneek in the case

We are not going to the same place this year as it's getting to expensive at £3000 for 2 adults 2 children even if it is all inclusive. We've booked to go self catering in Lanzarote which will mean more time in shops :(
(Thu 10th Jan 2008, 11:33, More)
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