» Putting the Fun in Funeral

Not so much a funeral as the interment
...and I could start in about locks on coffins (you know, boom boom, do they expect the deceased to climb out, har dee har har).

Weeellll, as a matter of fact - as we'd thrown our rose petals on to the coffin and it was solemnly lowered into the ground I watched from my priveleged vantage point of right beside the grave as one of the funeral directors bite her lip and say one very well chosen word ("sh(ip) it") as she stared down into the dearly departed's excavation in the ground.

As the coffin had hit the dirt, the lid had flown off almost completely, despite the triple locks along one side. Oops. Hoping no-one would notice (and since the rose-petal-throwing things were done), we were all shooed away as soon as was seemly (there must be an etiquette book on it somewhere). As my then boyfriend and I left the gravesite, I turned to look back to see the stereotypical wizened, bent over, old gravedigger attempting to thump the coffin lid back into place with a very long stick. Swearing all the while. ("Get back in place", gritted teeath and everything. It was pretty cool.

For the record, Mum was attempting to leap out to grab her sister - they hadn't spoken for decades and the mingy old boot only turned up for the funeral, probably to make sure she was really gone.
(Thu 11th May 2006, 12:08, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

couple o'creepy dream things
I had this set of seriously odd dreams where my very-ex-boyfriend was chasing me in all these dreams. We'd been ex for a few years by this point, and as far as I knew there were no terribly hard feelings, just a sense that both of us were loopy to be going out with the other one in the first place. I don't remember all of the dreams, but I had them every couple of months or so for about eight months.
The second last one I only remember vaguely as being populated by a couple of crickets (tiny little things) that scared the bejesus out of me.

So fast forward to the last one, where there were all these bizarre crickets, that if they touched you, you would die a slow and horrible death (I just knew this). If you smashed them, they had the acid for blood thing happening, which was even worse. Or perhaps the way you died a horrible death. I somehow managed to pick up a few of them and tried putting them in the freezer of my wonderful sun-filled kitchen (nice counterpoint, I thought, scared witless in my own, sane kitchen). As I was closing the door, this guy's dad appeared behind me, slumped down and looking about 100 years old, saying that it didn't work. He'd tried it already, he (the ex) had been sending them after him for months.
The next thing I hear is a banging at the door, of course being my ex.
So out of our back door I go (straight out of the kitchen, lucky) running like hell. Out in my backyard were all of these workbenches from work, but everyone had gone to tea, so I couldn't get any help there. I ran up our driveway and it came out onto this dusty, unsealed road, (instead of our boring little cul-de-sac) where this girl was carrying a baby. Somehow I knew this girl, although I'd never met her before in my life, and I knew she was very powerful. I mumbled something in her direction, trying to be somewhat cool, calm and collected, to the effect that I needed help and my ex was "playing up" (I still can't believe I used those exact words). She put the baby down on the road, kissed it on the top of the head, and went back to deal with my ex. I remember looking at the baby as she put it down, but knew that the baby had more than enough at its disposal to protect it's self should anything untoward come along the road.
Never had any more dreams like that again, and I've often thought I owe that woman (as a description it will have to do) a lot of gratitude.
I'd like to joke that the acid for blood thing was a aliens rip-off, but sadly not, there was definite menace in those little buggers. The unsealed road I have been on before in a completely different dream when one of my more ethereal friends was in trouble. I was trying to help her (she was more out of this world than in it, being able to see the dead much better than the living), but when we went up on this road, a number of the "people" coming for her had bright red eyes and were shooting fire out of their mouths. Not a good sign from the spirit world.
Cheers.
(Mon 24th Apr 2006, 14:44, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

Well not much of a dark side...
I'd have thought I'd have something really good to post here since I work night shifts in a hospital (and have even had occasion to visit our mortuary at ridiculous times of the late night/early morning variety). Tragically not even a B grade short - our resident ghosts seem to be nurses that get patients glasses of water...or tell them to get up and have a shower to be ready for the day (at four in the morning - and begs the question, what on EARTH do you need to do in hospital aside from lie around getting better with the occsaional procedure or physiotherapy session thrown in? None of those start before 10am....everyone's having a coffee before then..).
First post damn splinter.
(Fri 21st Apr 2006, 13:50, More)