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- a member for 18 years, 0 months and 6 days
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- has posted 13 stories and 2 replies on question of the week
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» Famous people I hate
Chris moyles
If ever there was a person that makes me want to stab out my ears with a rusty carving knife it's Chris Moyles. "Ooooo listen to me everyone I'm a loud unfunny repetitive twat"
(Thu 4th Feb 2010, 13:28, More)
Chris moyles
If ever there was a person that makes me want to stab out my ears with a rusty carving knife it's Chris Moyles. "Ooooo listen to me everyone I'm a loud unfunny repetitive twat"
(Thu 4th Feb 2010, 13:28, More)
» Real-life slapstick
Do as I do
It's a beautiful summers day in Dawlish Warren and Mr Datcat and I decide we are going to catch the bus to town so I can have a few beers too(I usually drive). So off we go and wait at a bus stop.
The first bus was full to the brim, but as luck happens right behind it is another bus and oh look its a open top bus. So on we climb and go and sit on the top deck. Mr Datcat decides to sit on the left of the bus so I take the seat in front of him and off we go.
Now this was a country lane with trees growing alomgside with some lowish braches and so I keep a eye open for them and when I spot one kind of twist and duck down.
Mr Datcat watches me do this and the words "What in fucks name are you doing" had not even left his lips when the branch that I had spotted Smacked him right in the face.
And not only him, but the small annoying child who was on the same campsite as us and thought that 6.30am was a good time to use our tent as a goal post.
Oh how I laughed and even now just thinking about it makes my life just that little more brighter
(Thu 21st Jan 2010, 13:59, More)
Do as I do
It's a beautiful summers day in Dawlish Warren and Mr Datcat and I decide we are going to catch the bus to town so I can have a few beers too(I usually drive). So off we go and wait at a bus stop.
The first bus was full to the brim, but as luck happens right behind it is another bus and oh look its a open top bus. So on we climb and go and sit on the top deck. Mr Datcat decides to sit on the left of the bus so I take the seat in front of him and off we go.
Now this was a country lane with trees growing alomgside with some lowish braches and so I keep a eye open for them and when I spot one kind of twist and duck down.
Mr Datcat watches me do this and the words "What in fucks name are you doing" had not even left his lips when the branch that I had spotted Smacked him right in the face.
And not only him, but the small annoying child who was on the same campsite as us and thought that 6.30am was a good time to use our tent as a goal post.
Oh how I laughed and even now just thinking about it makes my life just that little more brighter
(Thu 21st Jan 2010, 13:59, More)
» Personal Hygiene
Grease Monkey
Mr Datcat is a mechanic who for a very short while worked as a Mot tester in a back street garage as a favour.
A bit lenthy so feel free to skip
One of the other mechanics (mark w who is one of the biggest wankers to walk this planet)was utterly revolting.
He used to come in on a monday morning wearing jeans and a teeshirt that he had purchased from asda on the previous friday afternoon along with a can of deodrant which he then used up to hide the stench after putting the new clothes on and binning the old.
He then wore the same clothes till friday when the whole thing was repeated.
As it was all blokes that worked there, toilet roll supplies often ran out apart from Mr Datcat who had a stash, and it was on one such day that Mark dissapeared for sometime emerging with what can only be described as a duck like waddle.
Because of the stench that came from the bloke and the tell tale whaddle they worked out that he had shit himself and instead of cleaning himself up or something had just pulled his pants up and pretended that nothing had happened.
Thankfully Mr Datcat no longer works there so I don't have to hear anymore about the guy.
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 15:00, More)
Grease Monkey
Mr Datcat is a mechanic who for a very short while worked as a Mot tester in a back street garage as a favour.
A bit lenthy so feel free to skip
One of the other mechanics (mark w who is one of the biggest wankers to walk this planet)was utterly revolting.
He used to come in on a monday morning wearing jeans and a teeshirt that he had purchased from asda on the previous friday afternoon along with a can of deodrant which he then used up to hide the stench after putting the new clothes on and binning the old.
He then wore the same clothes till friday when the whole thing was repeated.
As it was all blokes that worked there, toilet roll supplies often ran out apart from Mr Datcat who had a stash, and it was on one such day that Mark dissapeared for sometime emerging with what can only be described as a duck like waddle.
Because of the stench that came from the bloke and the tell tale whaddle they worked out that he had shit himself and instead of cleaning himself up or something had just pulled his pants up and pretended that nothing had happened.
Thankfully Mr Datcat no longer works there so I don't have to hear anymore about the guy.
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 15:00, More)
» Personal Hygiene
soapy streams
When I were but a small child every sunday after dinner my mum, instead of letting me do small child things, used to make me go for a walk with her.
Anyway 1 of the routes we used to take involved going through the grounds of the local mental hospital which had a brook running through it.
As it was a really hot sunny day she decided to let me paddle in this brook whilst she sat dabbling her feet.
After a while we hear voices and as we look around we see a family which we shall call the Smiths as that was their name approching a little bit upstream, stop then they all start stripping off compleatly and getting in this brook.
Mum shouts at me to get out and as I do they get the soap out and start washing.
The mother, father and all 8 kids.
The water was a really nasty scummy brown colour after and im pretty sure most of it wasn't down to the fact they disturbed the bottom as it was gravel lined and stayed clear no matter how many kids used to splash around in it.
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 13:14, More)
soapy streams
When I were but a small child every sunday after dinner my mum, instead of letting me do small child things, used to make me go for a walk with her.
Anyway 1 of the routes we used to take involved going through the grounds of the local mental hospital which had a brook running through it.
As it was a really hot sunny day she decided to let me paddle in this brook whilst she sat dabbling her feet.
After a while we hear voices and as we look around we see a family which we shall call the Smiths as that was their name approching a little bit upstream, stop then they all start stripping off compleatly and getting in this brook.
Mum shouts at me to get out and as I do they get the soap out and start washing.
The mother, father and all 8 kids.
The water was a really nasty scummy brown colour after and im pretty sure most of it wasn't down to the fact they disturbed the bottom as it was gravel lined and stayed clear no matter how many kids used to splash around in it.
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 13:14, More)