» I'm going to Hell...

I'll see you all there
I am a naughty man.
I was recently working in America on a camp for kids with special needs. Nothing too serious, just ADHD and behaviour stuff. But this camp was also a Jewish camp, run by a Jewish couple, and it kept to all the Jewish traditions.

On our first day of camp, we were setting up the bunk rules that the kids had to abide by.

When we came to the policy of showering, and myself coming from a country in severe drought, I wanted the kids to have quick showers. So I came out with this gem
.....

"I am going to be the absolute shower Nazi. If you have a long shower, I will be onto you."

I repeated the phrase about 3 times before I saw the stunned faces of the kids and my co-counsilours pissing themselves laughing.


One of the kids then said "My grandparents were in the Holocaust"

I also walked out of the Sistine Chapel and said 'That place is fucking awesome!!!"
(Mon 15th Dec 2008, 0:28, More)

» Pet Stories

Boris The Cat
Sorry guys gonna be a long one but i think its worth it.
For many years now, my family have owned a pure white fluffball of a cat named Boris. Boris's life started out him being named after one of the great world leaders, the late Boris Yeltzen. He was meant to be called Gorbechov, but its hard to tell one Russian leader from the other.
Now Boris has a few traits that he may share with other cats, but to our little family make him great.
One is when he drapes himself your shoulder scarf style. He can get so comfortable that, i kid you not, my brother once rode a bicycle around our house with Boris draped across his shoulders. Never before have i seen such fear in an animals face.
He also has the odd feature of having only half an ear. He was born with two of the things, but slowly they have disappeared. Being a cat, Boris likes the sun. But being a white cat, the sun is not his friend. It was not uncommon to see Boris is his early years to get round in the summertime with bright pink ears from zinc cream to help prevent cancer.
But alas, we got lazy and Boris found zinc unagreeable, so that disappeared. So 5 years ago when black marks started to form on his ears, we saw that Boris had joined the many with Australia's biggest killer, skin cancer. As the melonoma grew and grew, we became concerned. Taking him to the vet, we discovered to have both ears lobbed off and his teeth cleaned it would be $450. Bugger that we thought, we'll do it ourselves.
So the brother who had taken Boris for a bike ride, who was now employed cutting up dead bodies for usage in anatomy classes, grabbed the scapel and went for it. We tried to give Boris some Bailey's to sooth the pain, but no all he needed was a sock over his head and two other family members to hold him down. My job was to heat up the bit of metal to quarterise the wound WW1 style.
I stepped on said metal after burning said cat. So there were howls of pain from the cat, howls of pain from me and swearing from the rest of the family from disbelief.
That was about 5 years ago, Boris is still kicking. Think the cancer has travelled inwards, because every night about 10:15 he runs headlong into the kitchen table. Poor thing, probably just to streamlined to stop.
Don't report me to the RSPCA, rather click "I Like This", if not for me, then Boris.

P.S No apologys for length-it was long, but in the end satisfying
(Fri 8th Jun 2007, 12:13, More)

» Barred

bouncers are crazy!!!
Was in the lovely city of Melbourne, when my brother and i visited a pub on a saturday night. Walking up to the front door, my brother caught his foot on one of the small steps that lead up to this establishment, and the bouncer told us we weren't allowed in because of his level of intoxication. In the bouncers moment of power over my brother, he failed to see me swaying and smiling in a very drunken manner. My brother on the other hand, was quite stable, but lacked depth perception/ Not being able to talk our way in, me being too drunk, my brother now in no mood, we went to a pub, got straight in and got more inappropriately drunk
(Wed 6th Sep 2006, 23:21, More)

» Inappropriate crushes

Man Crush
Ben Folds- Not becuase of looks, but because he can make sweet sweet music, I'd just sit and watch him playing piano all day watching those magic fingers dance across the keyboard ahhhhh....
Still dig chicks, but musicians are cool
(Tue 3rd Oct 2006, 23:15, More)

» Inappropriate crushes

hot hot hottie
Dr Cameron from House, just the fact that she is so nice in the show and has a top arse.
Also for all Aussie there is an actress on the show Thank God You're Here, she is just one of the background actresses but she is tops
(Mon 2nd Oct 2006, 3:35, More)