b3ta.com user David CopAFeel
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» Body Horror

Not specifically gross-out but worth telling
Some time before Mrs CopAFeel was married to yours truly, we were getting ready to go out. I was dressing, and she had just got out of the shower and was standing in the bathroom in all of her feminine glory.

Some years ago, she had a cyst at the very top of her bum crack, and had to have it surgically removed. Not sure why, but the surgeon didn't do such a neat job suturing it, and as a result, she has a 2-3cm (just over an inch for you Merkins) slightly bulgy scar right at the top of her crack.

Anyway, back to the story. As I admired her naked beauty, I told her, lovingly of course, that if we ever had children, when they ask what that scar is, I'm going to take great pleasure in telling them that's where she had her tail removed. I fell about laughing so much I couldn't breathe properly. She was slightly less amused.

We now have two young 'uns, and I fully intend to live up to my promise.
(Sat 13th Jul 2013, 1:44, More)

» Letters they'll never read

Dear Spanky Hanky
You're a bastard.

Actually no. Not a bastard, a fucking bastard.

Why? Because you're just too fucking funny, and even if some of your stories are utter bullshit, I not only love reading them, but wish a little inside that I was you. Or if not be you, at least be able to be a bit more like you.

But I won't be. I'll just go on being me, and you'll go on having outrageous anecdotes to regale to us all, usually about your alcohol, sex and bodily fluid antics.

You utter, utter, utter bastard.

I dare you to give me a click. At least by getting to the "popular" page this week, I can pretend I'm just a little closer to being more Spankified.
(Mon 8th Mar 2010, 13:36, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

I have so many...
One of my recent favourites though was walking through Target, there was one of those bins which they place in the middle of the walkway to attract the attention of impulse buyers and/or kids pestering their mothers. The bin was full of "super bouncy balls" which seem to be popular. They're the ones which look like raquetballs.

I picked one out of the bin, and gave it a few test bounces. I was sufficiently pleased.

I looked up at the ceiling of Target. It was about 8-9 metres (25' or so).

I gave the ball a mighty bounce, hoping to make it gently hit the ceiling. Instead, it slammed into the ceiling, and made an almighty racket. I dissolved in laughter. My wife was mortified, and proceeded to tell me off for being such a child.

To make things that much more satisfying, Standing a couple of metres away was an adolescent girl, who had just been told off by her mother for bouncing the balls. As we walked away, tears streaming down my face, barely able to breathe, the child was complaining to her mother: "See, he got to do it....."
(Sat 19th Sep 2009, 22:08, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

I swear this QOTW was tailor made for me.
When my wife and I are getting ready to shower, the one of us which is undressing will wait and see where the other is, and especially if the other one is doing something mundane, jump through a doorway completely naked, and yell "Naked time!!!!", waggling bits and generally making a tit of oneself.

Where did we get this habit? From my best friend's 5 year old daughter, who thought it would be hilarious to do that to us when we were at his place for dinner one night.
(Mon 21st Sep 2009, 23:24, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Just thought of a new one
Walking through the long winding path which is Ikea, about halfway is the kids and toys area. If there are any "hobby horses" (you know, basically a broom handle with a horse's head on it), I'll make a big show of mounting one (NOT like that, you filthy filthy people) and galloping up and down and circling my wife, making clippety-cloppety and neighing/whinnying noises, especially when she tells me to stop. When that happens, I HAVE to pull the reins back, and cal "Whoa thar boy!" to the horse, and make appropriate horsey noises.

I love this QOTW
(Sun 20th Sep 2009, 15:19, More)
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