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- a member for 18 years, 0 months and 16 days
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» I hurt my rude bits
Inner Space
When stationed in the far East (Hong Kong) I started to notice that every time I curled one out the water in the loo was bright red and when I flushed it looked like that scene from the Shining when the lift doors open. I headed to the doctor who referred me to an eminent local proctologist. After a poke around with his lubed up fingers he decided that a full-on colonoscopy was in order. A few days later I was lying on my side, having been completely flushed out by laxatives and sedated, in hospital while a mini-camcorder probed my insides. You haven't lived until a Chinese doctor has shoved a camera up your arse, I can tell you.
On the plus side he gave me the video, which is guaranteed to break the ice at parties.
(Fri 14th Jul 2006, 8:18, More)
Inner Space
When stationed in the far East (Hong Kong) I started to notice that every time I curled one out the water in the loo was bright red and when I flushed it looked like that scene from the Shining when the lift doors open. I headed to the doctor who referred me to an eminent local proctologist. After a poke around with his lubed up fingers he decided that a full-on colonoscopy was in order. A few days later I was lying on my side, having been completely flushed out by laxatives and sedated, in hospital while a mini-camcorder probed my insides. You haven't lived until a Chinese doctor has shoved a camera up your arse, I can tell you.
On the plus side he gave me the video, which is guaranteed to break the ice at parties.
(Fri 14th Jul 2006, 8:18, More)
» Crap meals out
Insect chrysalis
Me and the missus were in a town north of Beijing called Chengde. We'd had a bit of luck the previous night in a restaurant by just pointing to the Chinese words for 'chicken' 'veg' 'pork' etc in the Rough Guide, so we headed into a local tea house (very nice - all flowers and swing seats) with possibly a bit too much confidence.
We managed to order some jasmine tea with ease and I decided it would be nice to have some snacks to go with it. I noticed another couple happily eating what looked like chicken satay - basically chicken pieces on a stick. I got the waiter's attention, and indicated through hand gestures and some grunts that we'd like some of those. He said a few words in Chinese, which I took to be him confirming the order. I nodded and he disappeared into the kitchen.
He returned with a plate of food on sticks. Only it wasn't chicken. Each stick had on it about four round pods, a bit smaller than a ping pong ball. They looked like something designed by HR Geiger. As I looked at the food confused, Mrs Klugman (who had been doing her reading up) said that what we had been presented with was a local dish of silkworm pupae, each pod a chrysalis containing a little worm (or moth/butterfly I suppose depending on how far gone they were). Although we both like to think of ourselves as worldly types we were both fairly revolted. Conscious of the importance of not losing face in the far east, I crunched into the pods, trying not to notice the green gunge that came out. They did taste alright (I think they were dusted with chilli) but Mrs K wasn't going to play and expertly hid the pods in her napkin when the waiter wasn't looking, before chucking them in a bin outside. Who knows, perhaps some beautiful butterflies emerged from that bin a few days later.
*pop*
(Fri 28th Apr 2006, 11:45, More)
Insect chrysalis
Me and the missus were in a town north of Beijing called Chengde. We'd had a bit of luck the previous night in a restaurant by just pointing to the Chinese words for 'chicken' 'veg' 'pork' etc in the Rough Guide, so we headed into a local tea house (very nice - all flowers and swing seats) with possibly a bit too much confidence.
We managed to order some jasmine tea with ease and I decided it would be nice to have some snacks to go with it. I noticed another couple happily eating what looked like chicken satay - basically chicken pieces on a stick. I got the waiter's attention, and indicated through hand gestures and some grunts that we'd like some of those. He said a few words in Chinese, which I took to be him confirming the order. I nodded and he disappeared into the kitchen.
He returned with a plate of food on sticks. Only it wasn't chicken. Each stick had on it about four round pods, a bit smaller than a ping pong ball. They looked like something designed by HR Geiger. As I looked at the food confused, Mrs Klugman (who had been doing her reading up) said that what we had been presented with was a local dish of silkworm pupae, each pod a chrysalis containing a little worm (or moth/butterfly I suppose depending on how far gone they were). Although we both like to think of ourselves as worldly types we were both fairly revolted. Conscious of the importance of not losing face in the far east, I crunched into the pods, trying not to notice the green gunge that came out. They did taste alright (I think they were dusted with chilli) but Mrs K wasn't going to play and expertly hid the pods in her napkin when the waiter wasn't looking, before chucking them in a bin outside. Who knows, perhaps some beautiful butterflies emerged from that bin a few days later.
*pop*
(Fri 28th Apr 2006, 11:45, More)