b3ta.com user justim
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» Nativity Plays

Close enough
Picture the scene, a somewhat shy 8 year old having to do the reading for the Christmas service in my Gran's church. Gran made sure that all her friends were there and all the rest of the family that she could muster up.

We had been practising at Sunday school for the last two weeks and my reading was sounding very impressive. Anyway the day arrives and I am in the back of the church, bible in hand, frantically practising my words, all of a sudden a local kid tells me that I could not use the bible on stage and that I had to memorize the words.

Panic sets in. I start reading over and over again out loud, never thinking to question this nasty knowitall.

I get up to the Pulpit. My heart beating about as fast as it was the first time I saw my first girlfriend naked.

I say the first line and goes off as smoothly as I rehearsed it. Audience waiting with baited breath. Gran with a proud smile, gesticulating to everybody that there was her favourite grandson.

However that is the only line stuck in my head. I say it again and again after about the fourth time, everybody in the congregation starts laughing.
I was mortified, I freeze, say the line once more this time, voice noticibly quivering. I burst into tears and ran off the stage.

I then proceeded to hide where no one can find me and refuse to come out until the end of the service, when I was asked by the minister or teacher why I didn't take my bible with me.

Surely for that he must be going to Hull.
(Tue 31st Mar 2009, 9:19, More)

» Housemates

A bad 2 months
I had the misfortune to share a house in varsity with 7 people, 4 females and 3 males (one an ex girlfriend). In the few months I was there:
I had one of the girls try and commit suicide because her boyfriend slept with the other housemate (my ex) and half the house spent the night in the hospital byb her side.
A few weeks later this boyfriend appeared and trashed the place.
At a party the pool table ended up in the green swimming pool, we could not even see it at the bottom with all the slime.
We were robbed 5 times in the 2 months I was there because some one did not lock up etc.
When my parents came to visit me at the house for the first time, I got lectured about the people I hang out with and told to move out asap.
And then when I left I had to continue to pay rent for the rest of the lease (10 months)because no one wanted to take my place in the house, which ofcourse I could actually understand.

This all happened at a 1st class university in a relatively posh neighbourhood.
(Thu 26th Feb 2009, 13:42, More)

» Picky Eaters

Quite Picky
Fortunately I have mellowed as I have got older.
1. The yolks on fried eggs, cue me eating around them in a perfect circle without causing the dreaded yolk to break, because if it did, I had to stop eating.
2. Fish (and in fact all seafood) As a child I was forced to eat a helping of some strange red fish and after my complaints fell on deaf ears. I forced it down and then proceeded to vomit continously, I still have a gag reflex at the smell of seafood. I tell everyone I am allergic now.
3. Most vegetables, I grew up eating peas, carrots & corn and anything else was looked at with great suspicion. The first time I tried anything else was when I left home.
4. Olives, Mushrooms, Capers etc (but now I love them)
5. Chicken ala King - I cant explain it but as a child this was my worst - stems back to when my sister and I were told we had to finish to get Ice Cream (and I love Ice Cream) and my sister hid hers in her napkin and then threw it down the toilet while I took about 2 hours to force mine down, otherwise I am sure I would have had it for breakfast.

6. Fat - Anything with fat on it, I will not touch (as an overweight child I was convinced that is what caused my rolls)
(Tue 6th Mar 2007, 12:13, More)