b3ta.com user Barry_Bulsara
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it was me.

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» Never Meet Your Heroes

Oh dear
My hero was Jill Dando.

It didn't go very well.
(Thu 25th May 2006, 18:28, More)

» Crap meals out

Mayo with that?

I used to work in the “restaurant” at Slough Ice Rink back in the late 80s. It was shit. Imagine the burger joint in Beavis & Butthead, except with lower recruiting standards, less rigorous working practices and zero supervision.

One guy who worked there was a likeable idiot called Mark. Absolute animal he was. He used to have a rather pervy fascination with one of the professional ice skaters that used to train there, a Scandinavian girl called Charlotta. Fair play she was proper fit and most blokes there fancied her, but you could tell with him it was a little on the wrong side.

Anyhoo, one day Charlotta came in and ordered a chicken salad roll. When the order was brought out back the usually terminally lazy and uninterested Mark suddenly perked up and jumped at the chance to make it. To everybody’s great surprise.

When he finished he stood in the middle of the kitchen holding the aloft in front of all the staff, then said “watch this” – then suddenly pulled out his erect cock, opened the roll up, and proceeded to wank briefly but vigorously until he popped his plums all over the contents. To everybody’s great surprise.

He then calmly tidied the roll up a bit, put the top back on, took it out front and served it to her. We all stood behind the counter and watched her eat it.

BTW Charlotta if you happen to be reading this (as if) – it was Mark Cleversley wot dun it. And he’s dead now so you can’t get him back. Ha. (but if you'd like to come and wank over my sandwiches feel free, any time)
(Thu 27th Apr 2006, 17:25, More)

» Body Mods

you need hands
I did some temp warehousing work with a guy who'd lost a finger in an industrial accident some years previously.

He had tattooed knuckles that said "LOVE" and "HAT".
(Fri 1st Dec 2006, 13:52, More)

» Housemates from hell

this bloke Dave
he used to get his cock out every night and wank himself stupid all over everyone's food.

then he'd punch us, kick us, stab us and chop off our heads.

then he'd burn the whole house down.

and the whole house was made of solid shit.

I'm maybe exaggerating on the details, but the gist of what I'm saying is all true.
(Thu 12th Apr 2007, 17:46, More)

» Failed

I saw my favourite tv presenter and tried to say hello
it didn't go very well
(Mon 8th Jan 2007, 16:36, More)
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